I don’t know, I kind of have a licensed character aversion. My brother has it, too, and refuses to dress his son in clothes with any trace of Bob the Builder or Thomas, preferring instead those drab, uniformy-looking kid’s clothes you get when you shop in Asia.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

So: Dora. She’s very perky, and has the kind of heavy hair that looks good in a ponytail. I want her hair. But I’d style it differently. Maybe not have the bangs. I have to do some more thinking on that. I do know I would definitely NOT feather it.

What I’m trying to say is, I like this CD. And I didn’t want to. Because: she’s Dora. And last I checked, she was annoyingly everywhere — on the TV, plates, shoes, books, kiddie pottys, diapers, and oh my stars, just everywhere. I even think I saw her in an adult video store once. (Not that I go in there unless it’s to shop for a bachelorette party. What bride-to-be doesn’t want “Forrest Hump?”)

No one actually lets their kids read this, right?

No, seriously, I wouldn’t write this way if I thought people really read this thing. I prefer to babble inappropriately in person.

What I mean to say is that I have an Aaron Neville aversion. Not because of the melanoma, but he’s a little too earnest for me. Like if Celine Dion were a man. (Don’t some people think she is? I’m pretty sure it’s a rumor making the rounds with conspiracy theorists.)

What I’m getting at is that Dora and Boots sing with a bunch of people on this CD (like Aaron, Ziggly Marley, and Swiper). They’re also traipsing around the world sampling songs from each country. So there’s songs from Australia, Africa, Argentina, and other countries that do no start with “A.”

My favorites are Alouette, Mi Chacra (My Farm), and Funiculi Funicula.

I don’t ask what my kid’s favorite songs are…what matters is if I can stomach the music.

I do know, that they like this CD overall.

Even if Dora is a whore.

Which she’s not. I know that. I guess she’s not so bad for being licensed, and all.

No one is reading this, right?