• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • About
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • San Diego Momma
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / The Mirror

The Mirror

Etcetera

I search for my muse in coffee shops, on iPods, in friend’s faces. I sit and think, “maybe today, I will write like I mean to, like I want to, like I’m meant to.” But words get lost in Twitter streams, in frantic readying for this or that, in bottomless glasses. My ability to string beautiful words together suffers for all this ADD living I’m doing, but then maybe I’m not supposed to write beautiful words, just words, and that needs to be enough.

 

Here’s something though: I can’t live with how I write now. There’s got to be something more. Something better. More metaphors perhaps, longer sentences, more meaning.

 

The other side of my brain wants today’s words to be enough.

 

They never are, they never are.

 

It’s a bomb in my head.

 

**********************************

 

I have a friend who tells me that my greatest challenge is to be OK with who I am and to feel enough; not less than. Daily I am confronted with this potential lesson, a flower unbloomed, and each day the bud shrivels and falls to the ground as I grind it underfoot. Not meaning to. But still.

 

**********************************

 

Someone’s recognized something good in me, an as-yet, a potential-bloom, and I can’t believe her. I lament to my husband, “When will she discover I’m not up to it? I can’t do this thing? My words lack. I’m not the person she thinks?”

 

And he says, “But you are.”

 

“That is that.”

 

My sighs are heavy. My mind is weak. I grasp for the words and hold on. I want “that” to be “that.”

Whyever can’t I believe it for myself?

 

**********************************

 

I’m jealous of one thing. Not a house, a ring, a man, a body, a life. I am jealous of a person’s ability to not apologize for who she is. To live completely in the knowledge that she is flawed, but good. And fuck you if you don’t like it. I want that fuck you. I want to say it and mean it; not because it’s dirty, not because it’s shocking, but because FUCK YOU.

 

And by “you,” I mean “me.”

 

Insecurity is a bitch that lives in my head.

 

Fuck you.

 

**********************************

 

I dream of standing before my other self, or having four arms, of hugging the reflection and giving the “A-OK!” sign with the hands that are free. Of looking meaningfully at the other self, of telling her, “you are enough. you are enough. you are enough.”

 

Of having her believe it.

 

Of having her bloom.

 

Right in front of my eyes.

 

My muse.

 

What do you want to tell your mirror self?

 

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

August 26, 2010 · 12 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « PROMPTuesday #119: A New You
Next Post: Personal Microderm System Review (Sort of) »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Comments

  1. MissM says

    August 26, 2010 at 10:04 am

    I want to tell my mirror self that I am strong like I used to be 5 years ago. That “he” can’t hurt me and I don’t need to be scared. I have a special man to help me with that. I am not there yet though. Maybe he can help you. Email me for his info. He is really great at getting inside your head.

    Reply
  2. Sugar Jones says

    August 26, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Did you notice something?? After you re-read?

    <>

    You used the word WRITE. It’s in you. It’s dying to just be. The girl in you is screaming to just write. WE all know you are awesome. If you need, I’ll send you a picture of me with a big middle finger yelling Eff You, you are good… you are awesome… right NOW!!

    I mean, “write” now.

    It’s who you are, Deb. You fucking rock. Accept it.

    Reply
  3. JenniferfromLaJolla says

    August 26, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    What Sugar said.

    Also, you inspire me. So thanks for that.

    Reply
  4. Jill says

    August 26, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    You DO rock – You ARE strong – I see it in everything you write.

    In my mirror? I just want to remind it that life isn’t a tit for tat. That I shouldn’t care what other people do, or don’t do. I should only be happy with me … and be thankful for those who care enough to take the time to be there and appreciate the reciprocity.

    Reply
  5. vodkamom says

    August 27, 2010 at 4:44 am

    I’d like to meet the people who AREN’T flawed.

    Wait. There AREN’T any. And yes, those who can wear their flaws proudly like badges of honor are the ones I really want to be around.

    And you are one of them. Flawed Folks UNITE.
    xxx

    Reply
  6. Kel says

    August 28, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    Wow, for a moment I thought maybe you were inside my head. That insecurity that this ‘charade’ might be up and I will be exposed is something I live with each day – I however manage to also throw out a few FU’s that sound convincing enough to an outsider, but on the inside I am still desperately trying to believe. I hope you find your muse and your belief that you (just as you are) is enough, because I think you’re pretty awesome.
    ~K

    Reply
  7. green girl in wisconsin says

    August 30, 2010 at 5:58 am

    Ah, this puts me in mind of Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. Our voices in our heads are SO unkind! WTF? I swear, mine is more vile than AM talk radio. Although as I get older, I get more deaf or distracted (or both) and don’t listen to the voices quite as much.

    Reply
  8. Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy says

    August 31, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    I think our insecurities have been talking again!

    Having other people tell you something and actually believing it within your soul are two different things, so I know it doesn’t help you but you ARE the type of writer so many people can only hope to be.

    Nothing I’ve ever written has taken anyone’s breath away, made them cry or given them something to aspire to. You do that.

    Reply
  9. Mama Mary says

    August 31, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    I’m thinking you (and I) need Lizz Winstead’s self-help book. Remember the one she told us about, called, “Fuck You!”?

    Reply
  10. Jack says

    September 2, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    What freaks me out is when the mirror talks back to me, but the lips on my face aren’t moving. Pretty trippy stuff.

    The mirror and I have a relationship- he keeps his mouth shut and I don’t smash him. It would work better if I couldn’t hear his whispers when the lights go out.

    Reply
  11. Deb says

    September 5, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    I love your blog. I love your honesty. You inspire me. :) So tell THAT to your mirror.

    In fact, this post inspired me to talk to my own mirror. So. Thanks for that. :)

    Reply
  12. Corina says

    September 6, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Just wanted to write that I get it. Completely.

    Oh, yeah…. and, I think you just did. Write.

    Reply

Primary Sidebar

I love words. Every one, every time. (Except “moist.” That word can go.) …read more

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Sure. I’d love to see you again.

Categories

Archives

Blogroll

  • Blog This Mom
  • Da Goddess
  • Dirt and Noise
  • Discover San Diego
  • Foolery
  • Juggling Life
  • Mama Mary Show
  • Mel, A Dramatic Mommy
  • Mom Zombie
  • Mommy’s Martini
  • Motherhood is Not for Wimps
San Diego Momma

Footer

Archives

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Categories

sandiegomomma

sandiegomomma
Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years… Circumstance Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years…
Circumstances have changed since post-Prom-picnic-circa-1986-vibes…
#WhereIsBryanAdamsNow
Dorm drop! 🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕 Dorm drop!
🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕
💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫 💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫
Celebrating the new 16-year-old with a quick Santa Celebrating the new 16-year-old with a quick Santa Monica trip.
And now she knows she doesn’t want to live in LA….
#LifeLessons
It’s happening….. It’s happening…..
Barely tolerating me….. Barely tolerating me…..
Beach day with my “little” one while big sis e Beach day with my “little” one while big sis explores Cal Poly…
Life transitions. Beautiful but I haz the olds.
#NotAboutMe #Whhhhyyyyy
A rare Bubbie sighting. Spotted in the wild. #HeDo A rare Bubbie sighting. Spotted in the wild. #HeDoesntLikePictures
Sunset squad. Brought a picnic and drinks to Del M Sunset squad.
Brought a picnic and drinks to Del Mar and watched the waves and horizon. Not too crowded or cold - another good hang with the neighborhood gang! ❤️❤️
Imprinting 2021 holidays on my brain (and in my In Imprinting 2021 holidays on my brain (and in my Instagram) (and in my antibodies). It’s a COVID New Year’s Eve…
Husband and I down for the count(down).
BUT. We’re doing decent and it’s cozy up in here…
Winery times! Winery times!
Guys on couch watching football; girls in kitchen Guys on couch watching football; girls in kitchen talking about everything.
Smells like a Sunday neighbor night. ;)
Line dancing lessons… My two left feet did nothi Line dancing lessons…
My two left feet did nothing right - but they did it with gusto.
Looking for a new book to read! #BookClub Despite Looking for a new book to read! #BookClub Despite the seeming divine intervention from above, we weren’t struck with the “perfect” next book to put on our list…..
Post-white-water-rafting super exhaustion. (Oh my Post-white-water-rafting super exhaustion.
(Oh my gosh you guys…! No! I’m not a sports model! But I totally understand how you might think so.) 😜😜😜
I wanted my hair to do that. #NordicSisters I wanted my hair to do that.
#NordicSisters
Dad’s hats on the people who loved/knew/laughed/ Dad’s hats on the people who loved/knew/laughed/sang with him.
Miss you Dad. Hope we do your hats justice. Lord knows we’ll have fun in them, just like you did. 😇
Paso Robles! Wine tasting beauty. It’s stunning Paso Robles! Wine tasting beauty. It’s stunning here. And the landscape is nice too ;).
Found my brother’s old ad copy. Good fun-writing Found my brother’s old ad copy. Good fun-writing inspiration...
Just in case I wasn’t feeling ancient enough, th Just in case I wasn’t feeling ancient enough, the rainbow jumper and white bobby socks oughta do it. No but wait! There’s a bowl cut. Annnnnnnddd giant gold-rimmed specs.
#CentennialFashion
Load More... Follow on Instagram
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Hello Chicky

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT