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San Diego Momma

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Home / Etcetera / 8 Twitter Lies We Tell

8 Twitter Lies We Tell

Etcetera

Hi! I’m still feelin’ bitchy!

 

Please to enjoy my PMS-fueled rage so my husband doesn’t have to!

 

And the top 8 Twitter lies we tell are:

 

1) I own a very large company.

Based in beautiful Alsip, Illinois, my very large company has global offices in the Land of Honalee, Bedrock, and Orbit City. I employ 30 invisible employees and offer them all one heckuva fake benefits package.

 

2) I am a life coach.

My life is all effed up, but I’m pretty sure I can straighten yours out.

 

3) I’m an author.

And it’s not a book I self published either.

 

Yes it is.

 

4) I am not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.

Can I DM you?

I’d like to talk to you more about how I’m not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.

I’ll need your cell number too.

And to know what you’re wearing.

 

5) I am the ambassador of kwan.

What I got to say can change your life. At least that’s what it says in my mind.

 

6) I can make you tons of money.

Just please first buy my self-published books on how I can make you tons of money.

 

You’re also going to need to purchase my DVD series and inspirational CD.

 

7) I win friends easily and influence people.

I will tell my 7,000 followers about your yogurt. And they will all believe I love your yogurt even though I twittered last week about a yogurt substitute.

 

8) I am not on here just to get free stuff.

Can you send me a box of your self-published books and a case of your yogurt?

You know, for research purposes.

 

Bonus:

My followers mean the world to me.

Of course I only tweet to the most popular bloggers because I am focused on world domination, but I will remember all the little people as beautiful rungs on my ladder.

 

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July 11, 2010 · 11 Comments

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Previous Post: « Eight Facebook Lies We Tell
Next Post: PROMPTuesday #114: Make a List, Check it Twice »

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Comments

  1. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says

    July 11, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    I love it when you’re feeling bitchy. Rawr!

    Reply
  2. MomZombie says

    July 11, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Thank goodness for the Internets, dumping grounds for PMS-fueled rages everywhere.

    Reply
  3. flutter says

    July 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    oh man, I love a bitchy you!

    Reply
  4. Twenty Four At Heart says

    July 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    This should be printed on business size cards and handed out to everyone at BlogHer! Speaking of … I can’t wait! : )

    Reply
  5. Stacey Ross says

    July 11, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    Bitch and rant on on…I am pretty sure we are all hormonally aligned, by now, so you can be our monthly bitchin’ spokesmomma.

    Reply
  6. Mama Mary says

    July 11, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    On behalf of bitches everywhere, me included, thank you!

    Reply
  7. Theresa says

    July 12, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    God I love you!

    Reply
  8. Christina says

    July 12, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    perfect.

    Reply
  9. Margo says

    July 12, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    you are a riot :)

    Reply
  10. Rima says

    July 12, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    You probably shouldn’t look at my Twitter bio ;)

    Reply
  11. Audrey at Barking Mad says

    July 13, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    I can’t wait to see if this post ends up on the “How to get pregnant” site as well. I’m still fuming, for you, over that!

    Personally I think you should speak at BlogHer and read this post and the Facebook one as well! They were spot on!

    Reply

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