Hi! I’m still feelin’ bitchy!
Please to enjoy my PMS-fueled rage so my husband doesn’t have to!
And the top 8 Twitter lies we tell are:
1) I own a very large company.
Based in beautiful Alsip, Illinois, my very large company has global offices in the Land of Honalee, Bedrock, and Orbit City. I employ 30 invisible employees and offer them all one heckuva fake benefits package.
2) I am a life coach.
My life is all effed up, but I’m pretty sure I can straighten yours out.
3) I’m an author.
And it’s not a book I self published either.
Yes it is.
4) I am not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.
Can I DM you?
I’d like to talk to you more about how I’m not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.
I’ll need your cell number too.
And to know what you’re wearing.
5) I am the ambassador of kwan.
What I got to say can change your life. At least that’s what it says in my mind.
6) I can make you tons of money.
Just please first buy my self-published books on how I can make you tons of money.
You’re also going to need to purchase my DVD series and inspirational CD.
7) I win friends easily and influence people.
I will tell my 7,000 followers about your yogurt. And they will all believe I love your yogurt even though I twittered last week about a yogurt substitute.
8) I am not on here just to get free stuff.
Can you send me a box of your self-published books and a case of your yogurt?
You know, for research purposes.
Bonus:
My followers mean the world to me.
Of course I only tweet to the most popular bloggers because I am focused on world domination, but I will remember all the little people as beautiful rungs on my ladder.
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says
I love it when you’re feeling bitchy. Rawr!
MomZombie says
Thank goodness for the Internets, dumping grounds for PMS-fueled rages everywhere.
flutter says
oh man, I love a bitchy you!
Twenty Four At Heart says
This should be printed on business size cards and handed out to everyone at BlogHer! Speaking of … I can’t wait! : )
Stacey Ross says
Bitch and rant on on…I am pretty sure we are all hormonally aligned, by now, so you can be our monthly bitchin’ spokesmomma.
Mama Mary says
On behalf of bitches everywhere, me included, thank you!
Theresa says
God I love you!
Christina says
perfect.
Margo says
you are a riot :)
Rima says
You probably shouldn’t look at my Twitter bio ;)
Audrey at Barking Mad says
I can’t wait to see if this post ends up on the “How to get pregnant” site as well. I’m still fuming, for you, over that!
Personally I think you should speak at BlogHer and read this post and the Facebook one as well! They were spot on!