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San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / So Sue Me

So Sue Me

Etcetera

Hi. I’m drunk. Sorry, but that’s just the way it’s gotta be until next Wednesday. Which is the day I board my plane to New York.

 

I tried to hard to vlog today because I’m pretty much unable to write, think, drive, eat, sleep these days and I really wanted you to see the depths of my depravity with your own eyes. I know I’ve said it countless times, but I’m undergoing a very anxious time right now, and it’s super turbo disruptive to my psyche and general personature. I couldn’t figure out vlogging by the way, which comes out in my head as “vee-log” — a sure indicator that my vlogging would be technically deficient. Also, I’m so sure you’re major sick of my flying phobia. But to keep everything on the up and up, I’ve just gotta share my freak-outedness. Because seriously, it’s overtaking everything. Sad, huh? Let’s not even discuss how I should get over it already. I’m really trying here, and above all, I’m resting on the fact that I’m going to be 40 soon, and life is way too short for me to not travel due to fear. So I’m going, but I’m about to crap my pants.

 

Anyway, I’m going to twit/tweet/twat my panic attack as I board my flight, so prepare to unfollow me or wish you’d never met me or whatever it is people do when they’re sick to death of hearing someone talk about the same thing over and over and over again.

 

Not helping matters is that my head is shrinking. For your information, my head has always run small. As has The Rock’s, which really sucks for our kids, whose skull circumferences measure below the 25th percentile of all humans everywhere. Due to my shrunken head, hats look weird on me, as do sunglasses and most clothes. So after spending an inordinate amount of time looking for a coat to bring to New York that won’t make me look like a weeble wobble head, I was quite disappointed to come home from shopping yesterday and have The Rock point out that my head disappeared amidst the new jacket’s lapels. That blew, because guess what? I’m not taking it back. I try so hard to be stylish, people. Why my head gotta ruin it for me?

 

In addition, my four-year-old daughter is getting way too smart for me. She says things like, “Mom, don’t talk right now. Your stories are so simple.” (I SWEAR TO GOD she said something along these lines. I can’t recall the exact verbiage, but “simple” was in there.) My anxiety and Toots’ wisecracks do not a good mix make, so I think I replied with something like, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Or another simple but robust outburst like that.

 

In other headline news, there is not enough Advil in the world for the hangovers I’m about to have this week. I know I have a small head, but still.

 

P.S. The Rock offered to proofread this post because I’m high on Chardonnay. Can you believe the gall? San Diego Momma is fines! She’s just freaking fines, and don’t needs no high and mighty proofreader. Dammit.

 

P.S. Why do all the Real Housewives of Atlanta look like trannies? I find this befuddling.

 

P.P.S. I already found 59 typos, but I corrected them, so The Rock will never know. Unless you tell him, you cheeky monkeys.

 

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October 8, 2008 · 27 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « PROMPTuesday #25: The Wine’s Drunk, But the Memories Remain
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Comments

  1. noble pig says

    October 8, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    I hate flying too, but I bite my lip and get on that damn plane. You can do it.

    Reply
  2. g says

    October 8, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    Hah! I share your small headedness! I think my hat size is 6 1/4 or something. When I wear a hat I look like a mushroom.

    Fear of 40? Don’t. Are you kidding? 40 is fine. 40 is great. I’d kill to be 40! I was gorgeous at 40! I came into my own at 40! Even 50 is great – 50 is the new 30. Or the new black. Or something like that.

    it’s just at 54 and you realize those hairs are gonna keep sprouting on your upper lip, and that wrinkliness on your knees is here to stay that you….

    Have another glass of chardonnay. And book an appointment at the Indian ladies’ beauty salon on Venice Blvd for the “whole face threading” hair removal. it’s only $20.

    Can’t do anything about the knees. Calf length skirts.

    Reply
  3. g says

    October 8, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    Oh, shit. I came over here to thank you for your kind words on my PROMPTuesday post. But I got carried away by the chardonnay. And the wrinkly knee thing.

    Reply
  4. Steph says

    October 8, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    Whatever it takes to get you on that plane is fine. Well, except maybe being a functioning alcoholic, but I’m pretty sure you’ll quit the sauce when you get home. And if you don’t, SQUEE! I can stage an intervention which would be right up my alley because hello? Who doesn’t love to be all bossypants-but-pretending-it’s-for-your-own-good? No one, that’s who.

    Reply
  5. Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy says

    October 8, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    Awww, poor Deb! Eyes on the prize: New York and all its awesomeness. I’d love to see a drunk vlog. I think that should be a meme.

    Reply
  6. feathermaye says

    October 9, 2008 at 3:15 am

    So now you’ve officially written 2 entries into your own PROMPTuesday. I love that.

    My husband’s family has the exact opposite head thing, as in all women to marry into this family will never be the same if they bear children. Ever. Fortunately I was all child-bearing’d out when we met. Thank God.

    Reply
  7. Marketing Mama says

    October 9, 2008 at 4:07 am

    Everyone deserves a drunk post now and then. You and your small head hang in there – it’s going to be okay, I promise!

    Reply
  8. robyn says

    October 9, 2008 at 4:43 am

    I have the opposite problem–my head is unusually large. So, I look like a lollipop. I’m not exaggerating. Ask my mom. :)

    Oh, flying makes me nervous too. I will spare you the details of my thoughts on the matter, because I don’t think it would help you at all…

    Reply
  9. Karen says

    October 9, 2008 at 4:55 am

    I was amazed that you spelled “verbiage” correctly when in your cups – I forgot that spell check works for drunk people, too!

    Cheer up. I guarantee you the coat doesn’t look as bad as you (or the Rock) thinks it does. And you don’t have an abnormally small head, you have a willowy head. :o)

    Reply
  10. Csquaredplus3 says

    October 9, 2008 at 5:23 am

    You’re adorable. Fluff that pretty, blond hair on your pretty, little head and wear your jacket with pride as you fearfully board the plane! You’re gonna make it!

    Reply
  11. tinsenpup says

    October 9, 2008 at 6:19 am

    When you have done this and your brain is no longer drenched in cortisol, you will have it all back (and be more worldly) AND be drunk on the knowledge of the amazing things you can do because you have had the courage to take on your own personal Everest. And rest assured that there are plenty of us who know precisely how huge this mountain is.

    Reply
  12. KD @ A Bit Squirrelly says

    October 9, 2008 at 7:59 am

    Did you see my tweets last night on twitter? yeah that was wine induced. Hang in there!

    Reply
  13. Green Girl says

    October 9, 2008 at 8:16 am

    Cheers to ya! Happy trails!

    Reply
  14. Lori says

    October 9, 2008 at 8:51 am

    I so feel your pain. Did you try those SOAR podcasts, I swear they work.

    One thing they teach is to get all your panic and fear out BEFORE the flight. Get yourself all in a tizzy now, but once you get on that plane, don’t let those thoughts bother you. Snap a rubberband on your wrist every time you think about it. Just don’t let the fear come to you. I’m telling you, it works. I was finally able to fly without Xanax for the first time!

    Reply
  15. matteroffactmommy says

    October 9, 2008 at 11:28 am

    dude, lmfao @ the shrunken head. my sister’s ex-husband referred to her as “thumbnail head”. and would sometimes call her “gelfling” because he thought she looked like one of those characters from the movie, The Dark Crystal.

    hugs! love the drunken deb posts. classic!

    Reply
  16. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says

    October 9, 2008 at 11:28 am

    You’re darling when you’re in your cups.

    Don’t fight the fear. Accept the fear. Embrace the fear. Be friends with the fear. Love the fear. It’s part of you. Kiss the fear.

    I’ll call you in an hour.

    Reply
  17. Lisa Milton says

    October 9, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    If you weren’t so scared of flying, I would invite you up for a cocktail with me.

    That’d be grand.

    Reply
  18. Jenn @ Juggling Life says

    October 9, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    I want to go on record as saying that you’re head looks quite normal-sized to me.

    You can do it!

    Reply
  19. pajama momma says

    October 9, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    But you know what? I’ll bet your skin looks ab-so-lute-ly fabulous.

    I can’t possibly imagine anyone even thinking one thing about your head size when you have such a pretty face.

    Reply
  20. Da Goddess says

    October 9, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    Curl your hair, back comb it into some magnificent ode to country stars of the 70s! That’ll make your head bigger.

    As for the Atlanta housewives? I dunno. I ran screaming from the room as I heard the start of the show and have refused to watch. (Really, me? Running? Yeah. Totally.)

    Reply
  21. Tootsie Farklepants says

    October 9, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    I think more people should twat their panic attacks. Doctors should recommend it.

    Reply
  22. Amanda - The Mom Crowd says

    October 10, 2008 at 10:26 am

    I am sure that your coat is fabulous! Its all in the attitude you have when you wear it anyway. You can pull it off! I am sure your head is normal. Its not like all New Yorkers have huge heads and you will look like a member of the Lollipop Guild.

    Reply
  23. Mami Jen says

    October 10, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    All will be well. NYC is worth flying for.
    What do men know? Wear the jacket. You’ll have a fabulous time.

    Reply
  24. Punk Rock Dad says

    October 11, 2008 at 7:25 am

    I love any post that starts off “Hi. I’m drunk”

    Reply
  25. bejewell says

    October 11, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    This is my favorite post I’ve read all week. It’s got a little something for everyone.

    Reply
  26. Jennifer H says

    October 12, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    Remind me to take you out for drinks sometime. You’re a hoot!

    Reply
  27. mommypie says

    October 14, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    You’re gonna be juuuust fine — you’ll have a whole corner of the Blogosphere thinkin’ of you.

    And if all else fails, drink more.

    Reply

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