Dearest The Rock:
I know you’ll read this, so I thought I’d put it here. As you know, I’ll be gone this evening, and if I don’t write these things down when the mood hits me, I may never get to it. And things need to be said.
But first of all: you’re not in trouble.
So you know how I’ve been the Son of Sam lately? (Like off and on over the past 10 years.) Last night, I snapped at you for asking me what plate you should put the burger on? And then I defended myself by mumbling that you weren’t putting it on the plate fast enough? Then at dinner, do you remember how I complained that my burger was too rare? And so you got up from the table and cooked it longer for me? And I sat there afterward sulking because it was too hot to eat?
Well about those things. I’m impossible. And I’m sorry. But what I do want you to know is that I’m really very thankful for you. That PROMPTuesday I wrote about “Deception?” That really happened, as you know. I remember that night so clearly and it was a dark and horrible time. For long afterward, I didn’t think I could trust anyone ever. Indeed, some other awful things happened after that night which endured for years, and I pretty much shut down until 1997.
But then. I met you and you said what you meant. And you didn’t lie. And if you wanted to see me, you told me. And if you didn’t, you told me that too. I don’t recall even one game you ever played with me, except for Trivial Pursuit, which unfortunately for you, I win every time, although that cannot be independently verified.
Also, you’re honest and real and dependable and raw and rough around the edges and I love you. I also think maybe you might be tearing up a little now and I love that too.
Finally, I want you to know that I smile at you a lot when you don’t know it. For instance, the other day, when you came home and I acted irritated because the kids were going to be the death of me? Well, I was in that moment heavy. Everything seemed oppressive and frustrating and bothersome. But then I saw you pick up a picture taken of you and the kids on Father’s Day and while you didn’t think I was looking, the biggest grin of pride, affection and deep abiding love swept over your face. You looked like a little kid. And I secretly smiled along with you.
I’ll let you see that smile more often.
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