• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • About
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • San Diego Momma
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / Word Losing

Word Losing

Etcetera

(A re-post from September 2011)

 

 

I’ve lamented these last several months my lack of coming up with anything to write. And when I do commit to words, my beloveds read wooden and trite, and superficial. Worse yet, I couldn’t figure out the problem, in fact, I obsessed over it, climbed up and down my brain, and continually came up empty-handed. I searched for a thing to say, some topic, some wisdom, some something, until I told a friend two weeks ago that it seems all this social media-izing is scooping me out instead of filling me up. I don’t need to tell you that inspiration is a tricky thing. You must tuck letters, songs, art, visions, inside, not keep giving them out. Twitter, Facebook, blogging, all that…it’s a lot of living outside yourself and that externality not only wears you thin, it empties you. And I’ve been emptied.

 

I used to love to read. How it sustained and inspired me. I would go through several books a week and relish the plot, the story, the taking me away but stocking my mind coffers all at the same time. Then I began to read words online. Not Kindle and its ilk, oh no, I can’t go there yet. Despite my imposed reading fast, I still crave the smell of pages, the must, and dust, and blood, and sweat, and soul juice. But now, I consume stories from blogs, and tweets, broadcasts, status updates, instant messages, direct messages, emails, and on and on and on. I began to learn to talk and think in teensy snippets, compress my words into palatable nuggets, put my brain on warp speed. The world can wait, the world can wait. Those not speaking on online time? They seemed slow and laborious.

 

And so, books did too. So many words! So many hours required! So much inside-myself time at that. I need to be outside with you all, or you’ll forget me. Plus, how does one work her way through pages and pages and pages? My brain is a hamster wheel, a carousel, a microwave oven. I don’t have all minute. Because see, the online world can’t wait, and soon you trick yourself into thinking you must speed the ferris wheel in your head to keep up; you’re only as good as your last online communique. So you pull words out of yourself. Sometimes they’re plucked from your soul, but most often not, and you continue to go, and go, and go. Collapsing in a desert of words that’ve lost their meaning. Pretty soon, you see there are more like you, and you’re engaging in one-dimensional conversations just to see your name pop up in a timeline. There are not enough moments, not enough moments.

 

It’s the books and stories and 3D conversations I miss the most.

 

And slow. And laborious.

 

So what I did is forget my laptop this past weekend. I kept it far away from me, and left my online engagement levels at an all-time low. I made enough moments. I looked at people when they talked. I didn’t want a RT from them either, and thankfully, they wouldn’t know one if it bit them in the ass. My fingers stayed in my lap for the most part, and my carousel brain slowed to a crawl. I took to a book, and the words were so delicious. God, I love words. And there I had it shining in front of my stopped-up brain: I love words. With meaning. With meat. I want them to evoke and pull and move and hurt and blind and sing and bleed and waft and blow through my heart like a tempest.

 

I’ve been spending too much time giving out meaningless words just to give them.

 

Without purpose.

 

I’ve been going too fast.

 

To somewhere completely off the map.

 

 

I see words in those clouds. I tweeted this pic. Contradiction much?

 

All these words without intention or storytelling is breaking my soul a little. Or quite a lot. I’ve moved farther and farther away from who I am and what I am because I think I should be operating online in a certain “see me, I see you!” capacity, that’s quite frankly, blown my bliss. I’ve been angry with you, too. You say you’re a writer, but you want something — fame? recognition? ego-stoking? — and you use words in a way that says you don’t love them. You are simply using them. And I shouldn’t be so mad at you. You can do what you want, just not on my time.

 

Because I need to get back. Remember who I am, and why I’m here, and what I love; and if I’m off the map, it’s because I stepped into the brambles on purpose.

 

For inspiration.

 

For the shoring up.

 

I refuse to be emptied.

 

Or filled with meaninglessness.

 

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

September 14, 2013 · 2 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « PROMPTuesday #224: The Years
Next Post: PROMPTuesday #225: Write a Review »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Comments

  1. jackiehennesse1 says

    September 16, 2013 at 4:31 am

    Thank you for re-posting this piece. It really hits home, let me tell you! Words are beautiful. And sometimes, we do move too fast for our own good. What are we trying to prove? Although…I have to admit… I’ve made many amazing connections with amazing people BECAUSE of social media. I was able to start a blog and book BECAUSE of social media. I was able to read this because of social media. Too much of anything is not a good thing though! I think I need to go on a social media diet as well. I know exactly how you feel! I take photos of meaningful moments… and tweet them. I too have my iPhone in hand in front of my kids. I am guilty of all these things and think some days, I should throw my laptop away!

    Reply
  2. julie gardner says

    September 16, 2013 at 7:58 am

    I refuse to be emptied.
    Or filled up with meaninglessness.
    Yes to this.
    And to the spectrum in between.
    It’s a hard space to manage.
    Strike that – it’s impossible to manage.
    We just have to keep redirecting, reorienting, resetting.
    Because the damn map won’t stay put, will it?

    Reply

Primary Sidebar

I love words. Every one, every time. (Except “moist.” That word can go.) …read more

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Sure. I’d love to see you again.

Categories

Archives

Blogroll

  • Blog This Mom
  • Da Goddess
  • Dirt and Noise
  • Discover San Diego
  • Foolery
  • Juggling Life
  • Mama Mary Show
  • Mel, A Dramatic Mommy
  • Mom Zombie
  • Mommy’s Martini
  • Motherhood is Not for Wimps
San Diego Momma

Footer

Archives

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Categories

Christmas carols for dad... Through the nursing ho Christmas carols for dad...
Through the nursing home window...
❤️
Mama’s mid-century vibes and dad’s suit swagge Mama’s mid-century vibes and dad’s suit swagger...
Walked a 5K for Wounded Warriors last night and de Walked a 5K for Wounded Warriors last night and despite my phone being stolen right before this pic, I couldn’t deny there are still good things in the world like red sunsets. Even if thieves and bad people muck stuff up every now and again.
Well. One of us takes her time to carve things rig Well. One of us takes her time to carve things right....No. I don’t know what it is. (It was supposed to be Chucky but she carved the wrong parts.) (I still admire the attention to detail.)
#OneDayHH — 8:23PM — Felt like the right time #OneDayHH — 8:23PM —
Felt like the right time to try Schitt’s Creek again. I couldn’t get into it last I tried.
But non-football-watching wives of football watchers do as they must do. And they must do it alone.
#OneDayHH — 6PM — Early evening still life. #OneDayHH — 6PM — 
Early evening still life. 
Husband working/watching football.
Outdoor cushions sheltered from possible rain showers tonight.
Buddha watching over all.
#OneDayHH — 3:50PM — Pulled my old diary out y #OneDayHH — 3:50PM — Pulled my old diary out yesterday for a work something...
About to put it back and this earnestness catches my eye from adolescent Debbie...
😳
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2021 · Hello Chicky

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.