• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • About
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • San Diego Momma
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / On Being Naked

On Being Naked

Etcetera

I have this thing about being naked. I don’t do it well. Instead, when I find myself without clothes at the gym or in the doctor’s office, I talk too much about how I didn’t shave, or what happened to my armpit boob, or why I’m not wearing a body stocking. As a result, I’m completely jealous of people who just walk around without a stitch on and are all “Oh this butt? Those are my kneecaps” about it.

 

And I don’t want to be mean, but I would prefer you not be naked ever in front of my eyes or especially in the sauna. I sit on those same benches and your butt residue is not on my list of substances to perch my own butt onto, if I had a choice in the matter.

 

I think maybe it was my roommate from 1991. She would stand in my bedroom door, all flesh and no clothes, and want to chat. Sometimes she’d grab her boobs and say something crass. I kept my eyes on the floor because I was fresh out of Catholic college and had no idea where to look. I mean, do I look at her boobs? That would be weird. But if I look at her face we both know she’s naked and the elephant in the room is she’s playing with her chest.

 

Or it could have been my college roommate. Our bathroom was misfortunately placed right across from my bedroom, so she’d sit on the pot and have entire conversations with me as the door hung open. Or I’d be putting my contacts in and she’d decide that was a good time to pee out the condom she thought she and her boyfriend had lost a week prior.

 

I don’t know who originated the naked fear in me, but it’s run deep. I don’t even get undressed in front of my friends. I barely do it in front of my kids. Or not since Booger told me my vagina looked pretty with all that “mascara” on it.

 

All this is to say that I was recently confronted with a naked person who was so unabashedly NAKED that I didn’t even know how to proceed with my not looking at her. I was, naturally, in the sauna, and in she walked. She probably clocked in at 75, which buys you the right to be naked all you want while accepting the fact that the relatively younger among you will sneak peeks at your melting flesh and curse their own disintegrating collagen barely holding their skin strands together in some semblance of relative tightness. When in reality, their butts are knee caps.

 

So I guess I saw my future. And perhaps that’s what bothered me most of all, or that she was so unapologetic about it. She didn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed! Or look down when I met her eyes. Or make excuses about not wearing a body stocking.

 

She was CONFIDENT.

 

That part really pissed me off.

 

Not to mention the butt residue.

 

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

January 17, 2013 · 4 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « PROMPTuesday #211: The Rock and the Hard Place
Next Post: Changemaking »

Reader Interactions

Leave a ReplyCancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Comments

  1. green girl in wisconsin says

    January 18, 2013 at 7:17 am

    I wish I loved my naked body a lot more. It’s so hard. I prefer me clothed.

    Reply
  2. robin says

    January 18, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    thats too bad you feel that way- i used to feel like you- feel free to email me

    Reply
  3. Cactus Petunia says

    January 18, 2013 at 11:02 pm

    Sighhhh. What you’re missing is, after a certain point, it seems ridiculous to be worried about what people think. You can’t control it anyway. People judge you clothed or unclothed. What’s the difference? And the butt juice thing? I always sit on a towel anyway.

    Reply
  4. Mama Mary says

    January 18, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    What’s butt juice? Do I dare ask? And this reminded me of my full monty in the sauna story from La Costa. So embarrassing since I don’t tend to go naked around those places.

    Reply

Primary Sidebar

I love words. Every one, every time. (Except “moist.” That word can go.) …read more

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Sure. I’d love to see you again.

Categories

Archives

San Diego Momma
Mother’s mob! ❤️❤️❤️ Mother’s mob! ❤️❤️❤️
The most fun. Highly recommend. Not the people (I The most fun. Highly recommend. Not the people (I recommend them, yet they are MINE)… but the whole Brunch Bash thing! (Look up San Diego Magazine Insiders….). Lots of fun and food and frocktails (tried to make it alliterative)…
Frat party dayger! (We were there for 30 minutes.) Frat party dayger!
(We were there for 30 minutes.) ;)
#FamilyWeekend
The ultrasound photo, shower invite, and birth ann The ultrasound photo, shower invite, and birth announcement still look new…but YOU are 19!!!
Happy Birthday baby girl!!!!
@alexawillliams
Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years… Circumstance Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years…
Circumstances have changed since post-Prom-picnic-circa-1986-vibes…
#WhereIsBryanAdamsNow
Dorm drop! 🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕 Dorm drop!
🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕
💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫 💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Hello Chicky

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT