Botox! (Oh yes I did.)

I turned 44 on Thanksgiving and although I’m so grateful for my family, friends, and health, I couldn’t help but notice my skin looks like turkey flesh. And the line between my brows resembles a gravy boat. And while I’m at it, what happened to my eyebrows? Why are they in my eyeballs?

 

Oh, the many injustices of aging. (Did I ever tell you what The Rock’s mom once said? She told him that the reason she wears sparkly earrings and big necklaces is to distract from her face.) (I have as many big necklaces as neuroses.) (They fill entire drawers.)

 

So I got Botox.

 

Yes, I sure did.

 

Even though I was convinced it would kill me. Luckily, my lovely Botox administrator assured me that “Botox cannot travel to your heart and freeze it.”

 

That was the thing keeping me up at night.

 

I also wondered if Botox causes cancer, and wanted to wait to have it injected to see if all the movie stars in Hollywood came down with something, but I’m not getting any younger.

 

So Botox it was.

 

I decided one of the smartest things I could do was to go to a place recommended by friends, had a good rep, and was in or near Rancho Santa Fe. Because those people don’t mess around with subpar service and Botox.

 

My pals at Sunset Social referred me to AP Medical Spa and assured me that the owner, Stacy, would not laugh at my heart-freezing fear. (Which was a big, huge, enormous-crevasse-between the eyes, lie.)

 

Stacy also couldn’t help but laugh at my before picture, when she told me look “mad.”

 

 

Apparently, I took her “look mad” way too method-acting like.

 

(Please do not spend too long looking at that photo and all the other ravages aging has visited upon my face.) (Like my nose.)

 

In the end, Stacy spent nearly a half hour with me addressing my many drawers-ful of fears and nervous shaking. She educated me, informed me, and laughed at me. Which is why I’d go to her again. She knew her stuff. And confession: I’ve had Botox twice before, but it never worked. What was supposed to freeze didn’t freeze and the gravy boat between my brows still sailed.

 

I shared my previous experiences with Stacy who told me that sometimes the Botox can be diluted or not enough units are injected, and she also said that in her practice, the only times she’d seen Botox NOT work on someone is if they had a thyroid issue. So, I found that interesting. And then I obsessed about my phantom thyroid issue in between worrying about my frozen heart and eyeball-brows.

 

Here’s my after picture (LOOK AWAY FROM THE NOSE.)

 

 

The gravy boat sunk! And my eyebrows were lifted, which was a nice side effect I wasn’t expecting.

 

Then a surprising thing happened: I wanted more stuff done to my face. I’d even be willing to sell my big necklaces to make that happen.

 

When I shared this unexpected admission with Stacy, she told me that if it were up to her, she’d inject my face with fillers and then she pointed to a disconcerting large number of areas on my face she’d address.

 

Everyone needs an honest friend.

 

Damn her.

 

But don’t worry, I’m not going to get all phony baloney on your butts, I just want to look smooth and rested. And lifted. And unlined. And wrinkle-free. And less large-nosed and…

 

Slippery slope, thy name is Gravy Boat Deb. Choo-choo! Or whatever sound boats make.

 

Meanwhile, Stacy is offering this to Southern California customers:

 

 

I got to talk my husband into this as a Christmas present. Because my slope has totally slipped.

 

If you’re in San Diego and want to look mad for Stacy, like AP Medical Spa’s Facebook page or sign up for the newsletter for monthly promos.

 

(Stacy comped me the Botox because she looked forward to me personifying gravy boats and writing about big necklaces as anti-aging tools.)

 

(I made that up in my head.)