Not sure if you all remember this:
Or way back in the day, this:
(I used to have semi-musculature!)
But here’s what’s been happening:
Hold on…I need to find the most apt word…
The one that really sums up my healthy activities of the last three months.
It needs to the just-the-right word.
I got it, Jove!
Nothing’s been happening.
A BIG, FAT absence of something.
I have sat on my butt and unexercised less in the past few months than in all the trimesters of my pregnancies put together.
I am so unhealthy. Like, really, grossly, unkemptly, portly-ey, greasily, gassily, unhealthy.
I don’t even CRAVE green things anymore. Unless the green thing is made with a soft serve ice cream dispenser or Wesson Corn Oil.
In addition, I think high fructose corn syrup is a vegetable.
And there are more nachos in my gut than rosaries in Rome.
So when, yesterday, a lovely, glowing woman of health asked me if I wanted to cleanse next week, I said no.
But then my ass said yes.
And because my ass could smother me in my sleep, my ass won.
With this stuff:
And there are solids on the plan, so I will not die of liquid asphyxiation, I hope. (Each day I get two fresh pressed green juices, a superfood smoothie, raw soup, salad, immunity elixir, teas, supplements, and other amazing items of health!)
I start Monday.
And I end Monday. (I’m just testing it out, see.)
But apparently my healthy button will be re-set and so will my ass deflato button.
And if you live in San Diego, there’s a special going on this cleanse until November 10. Let me know if you’re interested in knowing what it is, and I will tell you who to contact.
San Diego Momma, Ass Association of America, Honorary Member and Hall of Famer
P.S. I’ve never done a “cleanse” before unless you count the six days before Prom ’85 when I only ate candy corn.