I decided “TidDates” was better than “UpBits.”
Of course I did. Because why say Updates when you can say something weirder?
So here are the weekend things:
You know when you are somewhere bored out of your mind and trying not to tap your foot too obviously or stare into space too distantly so you don’t clue the people you’re with into the fact that you wish they’d just shut up already?
There was that.
Then on Sunday I smelled something emanating from my handbag. Like dead flesh. As if perhaps a small rat had wandered into my hobo bag or my Mac lipstick from 1997 finally gave up the ghost. So I avoided sticking my hand in my purse for 24 hours, hoping whatever was in there would decay and dry up and stop smelling butcher shop-y. However, the smell only grew more odiferous and un-fragrant, so I took a good look inside my purse to find two wadded up pairs of sports socks. Sweaty swaths of fabric that I withdrew from my purse with great reserve. It didn’t help that they were mine and that I seem to have a habit of taking off my socks after exercise class and putting them wherever the sun don’t shine, only to haplessly discover them way after decomposition has taken hold.
Also! The best part! I was in public when I extracted my crusty footwear! That’s even better than the time I accidentally put a tampon in the church collection basket!
In other weekend news, I attended another XTend Barre class, where my muscles continue to experience tissue death as they are whittled (quite in spite of themselves) into something not gelatinous. The thing here is that I’m uncoordinated and so during class I continually look like a horse on ice skates. Thank God the moves are easy to follow. Another factoid: I’m now in the market for camelflauge.
In semi-related tiddates, I will again be posting a bathing suit pic this week. Check my progress! It’s not very progressive. I think I need to get my thyroid checked.
Finally, soccer legend Mia Hamm was in town at the San Diego County Fair last week. I have to tell you that I’m almost glad I couldn’t make it due to crazy head syndrome because I would have said: “I loved how you bared your bra after you won that soccer championship! Up with women!” and she would have said: “Thanks, but that was Brandi Chastain.”
Like her socks don’t stink.
And now my tiddates are outtie.
May your day be filled with fragrant purse air and non-boring people!
P.S. Other things I forgot about until I received emails reminding me that they were kind of cool:
I wrote an article here about thrift store shopping.
I’m going to the San Diego Fair this Friday to see Big Time Rush. It’s for the children, Lord have mercy on my soul.
Shrek the Musical will be in town next week and I get to take the kids. It’s one of the first musicals I’ve taken the kids to, with the exception of Beauty and the Beast, and so I’m pretty sure Booger will make it through the last hour speaking ADD gibberish and running up the aisles, not that I speak from experience.
The LOFT is giving away $1,000 gift cards to their store. Tell them San Diego Momma sent you. No don’t. They could give a crap.
Along those lines, if you live in San Diego, like people touching your face, and are girly, here’s a cool deal to a spa in Encinitas, which will give you a one-hour facial, mini massage and brow/lash tint for $40. This deal is through Juice in the City, for whom I’m an affiliate. Like the worse affiliate ever. This deal? I’m sharing out of the goodness of my heart because when I get paid for things I forget to do them. Except for sock extraction.
I don’t know why I’m still here either.