I woke up early and took a shower, then dried off, very happy with myself that I was not going to be late for anything this fine morning. Why, I was probably going to be early for stuff! No rushing! No eating half-and-half for breakfast! No washing my face with shaving cream, using a Barbie necklace as a scrunchie, passing off pajama bottoms as harem pants! This was going to be a great day!
Now…where was that mousse I bought yesterday? I just need to style and dry my hair and I am out of here to start my morning NOT LATE! The mousse was right here, wasn’t it? I mean, I just purchased it from the store. The bottle was silver and red and said “Mousse” on it. Also, the mousse was glittery. Lots of rainbow sparkles in every pump. I know it was right…
Wait. Glitter? Red, silver, rainbow sparkles?
Right. That mousse I bought yesterday and just spent 15 minutes looking for on my one early morning?
Was in my dream.
It was dream mousse.
Hanging out with naked in my high school math class and running from knife-wielding demon hamsters.
Pass the half-and-half and pajama bottoms.
I had a doctor’s appointment and needed to be there on time to fill out 80 pages of paperwork that basically says “Your insurance pays for nothing, nothing, NOTHING, do you hear us? But here is a pretty flower pen.” I was making pretty good time, having dropped my oldest off at elementary school and was now heading back to the car after taking my youngest to preschool. I walked fast, with purpose, verve, and confidence. I would be there on time. Ah, there was my car! I threw the door open, ready to plop onto the driver’s seat with robustness, when…
There was a person in my seat. A person who looked just like me, but was screaming.
I looked down at my hands, my legs, my feet. Am I here? Or am I in the car? Do I have a doppelganger? Have I been a figment of my imagination all these years? Do I even exist?
But no. The screaming person was Sharon. She was in her car wondering who the hell just violently opened her door.
To my credit, Sharon looks a lot like me.
Give me a little time. It’s only 10:02AM. I’m sure something sloppy and idiotic will happen by noon.