1. Your boobs are 34C, your hips are 3.14 Pi.
2. Your upper lip is a Chia Pet.
3. Alaska hires your body to melt snow.
4. You affectionately refer to your vaginal canal as “The Road to Ishtar.”
5. The fluid retained by your stomach could solve California’s water crisis.
6. Motherf#ck you dickface!
8. Sob! Sob! Sob!
9. Has anyone seen my keys, checkbook, kids, mail, car, purse, youth, or Jolene cream bleach?
10. The sky called. It wants your ass to plug the ozone layer.