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Home / Etcetera / Not What It Seems

Not What It Seems

Etcetera

I think I’ve said before that I consider myself perceptive. I like to think I have people’s number at first sight, and after I internally sum someone up I confidently tell The Rock what “I know” about the person. “Oh, they’re bluffing,” I often say about buffons, for instance. “All bark and no bite. Very insecure on the inside, but trying to overcompensate with faux confidence.” Or, “She just needs someone to talk to,” I say about the friend who never asks how I’m doing. “She cares about me, she’s just going through a hard time.”

 

I probably don’t need to tell you I’m often wrong. As I move along this life, I realize I don’t know jack about much. My judgments and summing ups are flights of fancy and more projections or excuses than anything else. I’ve gotta say there’s some comfort in that. It means that maybe I don’t know everything, that I don’t have people all figured out, so there’s room for the unexpected.

 

But sometimes I am very let down by the gap between who I thought a person was and who they turn out to be.

 

Or worse that they are exactly who they told me they were and I made up my own story anyway.

 

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April 30, 2009 · 17 Comments

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Comments

  1. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says

    April 30, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    If you saw the best in someone and applied that goodness liberally, only to be disappointed later, that’s a good thing. A really good thing. I think. I think you do that, see the best in someone and go with it. I think you do that because you are full of love.

    Reply
  2. Trish says

    April 30, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Who disappointed you? Who? I will gather a posse and kick their ass. Was it the crazy buffalo bill guy in the Starbucks? Probably not, but sometimes when you are an open, loving soul (like you are) you think the best, let people in, try not to be too judgmental, and they end up hurting, scaring or disappointing you…. just because dysfunction is easier to spot in some people than others. I guess.

    Reply
  3. Da Goddess says

    April 30, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    I’m with Trish. I’m ready to kick some ass.

    I’m also with Cheri. There’s nothing wrong with believing people are inherently good.

    At the same time, might I offer you a hug?

    Reply
  4. Diane says

    April 30, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    I really like you, lady. I really, really do. That’s all :)

    Reply
  5. PAPA says

    April 30, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    So true. I think the older we get the lonelier we can become. Especially true with the creative types.

    Reply
  6. Blognut says

    April 30, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Diane likes you, but I kinda love you right now. I’m forever being disappointed by that gap.

    Reply
  7. Jenn @ Juggling Life says

    April 30, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    I love how you told us a story without telling us a story.

    Reply
  8. Kizz says

    April 30, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    I hate when that happens. HATE. And I hate that it happened to you.

    Reply
  9. Jennifer H says

    April 30, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Oh, man. I’m sorry that you are on the bad end of this. Whoever it was just lost the best kind of friend.

    Reply
  10. Steph says

    April 30, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Whomever it was, screw ’em. You don’t need ’em. Srsly.

    At any rate, I think it’s probably better to err on the side of believing there is good in people. Otherwise, you go through life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or so I’ve heard.

    {{{{Deb}}}}

    Reply
  11. Ferd says

    April 30, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    I do that, too. I have a (bad) habit of always giving people the benefit of the doubt. Problem is, if I believe my own self, I am just being naive.

    Princess Gail is ALL the opposite. She is a complete and utter realist. I am fascinated by that crazy part of her, because she makes me realize how rare a quality that really is. I think most of us do what you wrote about. That’s not so good, is it?

    Reply
  12. stoneskin says

    April 30, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    I’ve been trying to overcompensate with faux confidence all along and you’ve never known!!! Ha!

    Reply
  13. vodkamom says

    May 1, 2009 at 2:59 am

    I heard we need to kick some ass. I am here to help. :-)

    Reply
  14. g says

    May 1, 2009 at 5:57 am

    It’s that last one that’s the kicker. When you realize that their true nature has been in front of your eyes the whole time, and you’ve been willfully disregarding it.

    Sigh.

    Reply
  15. mary says

    May 1, 2009 at 6:35 am

    I do the same thing…and when they turn out to be who they said they were all along? I could just kick my own ass for being so stupid…

    Reply
  16. Eden says

    May 1, 2009 at 6:57 am

    You’re so insightful. I never thought about this but I think I do the exact same thing.

    Reply
  17. Green Girl says

    May 1, 2009 at 7:08 am

    I do this too–and the irony is that I hate it when other people do it. Ha!

    Reply

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