• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • About
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • San Diego Momma
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / Kurt

Kurt

Etcetera

He was the first I knew of romantic love. Those beginning hours and days, for that’s all it turned out to be in truth, imposed a gentle panic on my life. When would I see him again? Does he really love me? Is he coming back? I drank up every single saccharin word he blabbered, and they were bedazzling doozies. Once, early on, I listened with pressed ear as he called from out of town to longingly report that his trip was “heaven,” but one “angel was missing.” And I just blithely gripped the phone in a swoon, ignoring the foreshadowed irony. Angel, indeed.

 

Good God.

 

I spent hours in Macy’s right before his birthday, scooping up shirts and belts and colognes I thought he’d like. I threw them all done again when in a fit of “this is too soon” reality hit me, and ended up buying a book instead. Just a little old thing that took me two days to pick.

 

He’d perfected this way of looking at me, of lowering his voice and adopting a gruff urgent tone that conveyed I was all there was for him. I accepted it like a fish believes the worm.

 

Of course he broke my heart, for that’s what men like that do.

 

And now my friend — who dated “his” brother — wants me to check him out on Facebook. And I just don’t think I can. It’s 16 years later and I don’t think I can. I’m married to a man who tells me the truth and does what he says and says what he means. I have two lovely children. And I don’t think I can. I’m still angry, isn’t that weird?

 

He cheated on me time and again. Lied. Used. Roped me in. Set me adrift. Then threw some twine. Which broke and broke and broke.

 

Now he’s married with two lovely children and I wonder about his wife and whether he changed his spots and whether I’ll ever let go of what he took.

 

Isn’t that weird?

 

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

April 23, 2009 · 8 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « Wordlessness Doesn’t Run in the Family
Next Post: Taking a Chance »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Comments

  1. Jennifer says

    April 23, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Not at all. I wish I was that way with my ex. I’ve decided not to add him to my facebook list. I don’t want to be one of the 60+ girls on his. Take your time in getting over the hurt, it keeps us from getting hurt again. Love your man, your kids and you, don’t worry about anything else.

    Reply
  2. Diane says

    April 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Not weird. Normal. Hurt like that runs deep, but it’s less about what they did and more about what we did to ourselves… how we let ourselves down by believing the lies and the schmooze and how we didn’t trust our guts. And no matter how happy we are; no matter how good life is, we will always be a little bit angry… at them, and at ourselves for allowing them in.

    Of course, that could just be me…

    Reply
  3. Jenn @ Juggling Life says

    April 23, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    I don’t think it’s weird. Why would you want to have contact with someone who treated you so crappily?

    Reply
  4. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) says

    April 23, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    No…

    This post stirs up so many things in my head about my own Him. I’ve had a conversation or 20 with that him over the years. Those conversations have gone a long way toward shining the spotlight on why we didn’t end up together. Some things don’t ever really change. Sometimes it’s not worth the mental stabs it can cause. It’s not weird, no, but it can be hard.

    Reply
  5. Blognut says

    April 23, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    Not weird at all. It sounds like he caused you a lot of hurt and I can’t think of a single thing that you would gain from being in touch with him whether he’s changed or not.

    I guess the question I’d be asking myself, (because I did when this issue came up for me), “What do I want from him, and am I likely to get it?” When the answer to the first half of the question was, “Nothing,” that was all I needed to know.

    Reply
  6. Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy says

    April 23, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    Not weird. Totally normal. I think we all have someone like that in our pasts. Facebook brings all that stuff right back. It’s like high school all over again.

    Reply
  7. Da Goddess says

    April 23, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Not weird at all.

    Don’t look him up. You don’t need to go backwards and relive any of that crap. You need to enjoy what you have.

    I’m a firm believer that there are certain people who come into our lives to teach us lessons and when they’re gone, they should stay gone. He sounds like a “goner”.

    Reply
  8. matteroffactmommy says

    April 28, 2009 at 9:32 am

    haha, stop saying “isn’t that weird?” it’s not weird, but i think you may have gleaned this already based on the other comments.
    i found my first love on facebook about a year ago. but we didn’t break each other’s hearts, so it’s all good. he did do a lot of time in prison though. drugs…
    anyway, don’t look him up if it is uncomfortable for you.

    Reply

Primary Sidebar

I love words. Every one, every time. (Except “moist.” That word can go.) …read more

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Sure. I’d love to see you again.

Categories

Archives

Blogroll

  • Blog This Mom
  • Da Goddess
  • Dirt and Noise
  • Discover San Diego
  • Foolery
  • Juggling Life
  • Mama Mary Show
  • Mel, A Dramatic Mommy
  • Mom Zombie
  • Mommy’s Martini
  • Motherhood is Not for Wimps
San Diego Momma

Footer

Archives

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Categories

Christmas carols for dad... Through the nursing ho Christmas carols for dad...
Through the nursing home window...
❤️
Mama’s mid-century vibes and dad’s suit swagge Mama’s mid-century vibes and dad’s suit swagger...
Walked a 5K for Wounded Warriors last night and de Walked a 5K for Wounded Warriors last night and despite my phone being stolen right before this pic, I couldn’t deny there are still good things in the world like red sunsets. Even if thieves and bad people muck stuff up every now and again.
Well. One of us takes her time to carve things rig Well. One of us takes her time to carve things right....No. I don’t know what it is. (It was supposed to be Chucky but she carved the wrong parts.) (I still admire the attention to detail.)
#OneDayHH — 8:23PM — Felt like the right time #OneDayHH — 8:23PM —
Felt like the right time to try Schitt’s Creek again. I couldn’t get into it last I tried.
But non-football-watching wives of football watchers do as they must do. And they must do it alone.
#OneDayHH — 6PM — Early evening still life. #OneDayHH — 6PM — 
Early evening still life. 
Husband working/watching football.
Outdoor cushions sheltered from possible rain showers tonight.
Buddha watching over all.
#OneDayHH — 3:50PM — Pulled my old diary out y #OneDayHH — 3:50PM — Pulled my old diary out yesterday for a work something...
About to put it back and this earnestness catches my eye from adolescent Debbie...
😳
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2021 · Hello Chicky

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.