Does anyone know what Elijah did when he left Babylon? Because again I randomly smiled at some moonbar in Starbucks this morning, and got an Elijah reference in return.
What happened was I’m just sitting there, being my friendly and tolerant self, which I must stop immediately, and after spotting a wild Buffalo Bill lookalike lugging in strangely angular, misshapen suitcase after suitcase, I of course smiled at him like, “Don’t worry, crazy little underdog man. You have a place in this world. And I, too, know what it’s like to feel out of my element and struggling with too much baggage. You are welcome here.”
And THEN what happened was he thundered, “I am Elijah after he left Babylon! Oh lo! And woe! All upon the land! Just as Elijah foretold!”
So then what I did was continue to smile, although I will admit that the left corner of my mouth did begin to quiver just a bit as I decided that this crazy Buffalo Bill most surely carried firearms in that misshapen luggage, or a lance and a dagger, because I just googled what happened when Elijah was in Babylon, and it was not good, not good at all, and basically involved the fire of the Lord reigning down and consuming meaty sacrifices.
Of course, at that point, I begin to pack up even though I just got there, because I follow my own rules, but only if they prevent my untimely death, and Elijah then pointed at me and shouted, “Oh Sleepless San Diego!”
So now, I’m thinking, Sleepless? Wouldn’t that mean awake? I’m quite sure he meant ‘sleeping,’ as in we are deaf to his Elijah-Babylon-Dagger-MeatSacrifice message, not ‘sleepless,’ as in we are alert and eager to hear his enigmatic Biblical references. So can he really be that dangerous? If he doesn’t employ proper adjectival usage?
But then: Of course he can be that dangerous! People who don’t use adjectives correctly are dirty skanks! And one of Balthazar’s minions! Or worse, practiced in the knifey arts! Get out of here San Diego Momma!
And that’s exactly what I did. I left Elijah to his teetering stacks of freaky luggage and windblown tendrils and deep shouty voice of God and took off.
Truth be known, I almost took the whole Starbucks with me, because I would feel horrible if this man went lance-and-dagger on everyone, but a teeny little part of me always thinks that maybe I’m the one whose crazy, and what do I know? Maybe Elijah really does use this man as a prophetic vessel.
Or uses his luggage to store the body parts of non-believers?
Either way, I’m just going to work at home from now on.
And stop smiling at people so damn much.