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San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / I’m Pretty Sure This is Good Advice

I’m Pretty Sure This is Good Advice

Etcetera

UPDATED: She said yes!

 

wedding

 

This man has no idea. Poor sap.

 

After eight years, I think I’ve managed to distill my marriage advice (ha ha ha ha ha! those three words sound funny together!) into one sentence:

 

“Be willing.”

 

Be willing to work. To make things better when they’re not so hot. To stay open. To try again.

 

I could focus on the dreamy, pie-in-the-sky relationship stuff, but I’m not going to, because I’ve found that relationships are more about how you handle the hard times, then how you ride out the good. I mean, I’ve reached low points in my marriage, where I want to throw my hands up, yell “la la la la la la,” and rent that quiet cottage at the beach. But? I keep trying. I hang in there. I stick around – both emotionally and physically.

 

And my husband does too. Because you both need to be willing. It usually doesn’t fly for long if just one of you has the desire to make it work all the time. And of course, there are very legitimate reasons to not make it work. I’m just fortunate enough to not have any of those reasons.

 

I don’t know. I understand there are many people out there for who marriage is easy. It’s just not that way for me. For many reasons. I’m fundamentally selfish, I like things my way, I don’t easily (or often) say “I’m sorry.”

 

But I’m willing to keep trying to be better. Oh how I want to be better, I want to be better. And luckily, I found someone who wants to be better too. With me. (I don’t get it either.)

 

So “be willing.”

 

That’s my advice.

 

And here’s one more tip:

 

“Always keep the thermostat set at 70 degrees.”

 

Trust me on that one.

 

Have marriage or relationship advice of your own to share? Head over here and leave a link. Someone I super duper like is getting engaged and you can be a part of it! The whole thing is playing out here. But it’s still quiet-quiet…so shhhh…..

 

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March 23, 2009 · 23 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « PROMPTuesday #48: L-O-V-E
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Comments

  1. Rob-bear says

    March 23, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    Yup. Marriages take time and hard work. If you’re not prepared to work at it, don’t get married. In fact, don’t try to be in any sort of significant relationship.

    Reply
  2. Da Goddess says

    March 23, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    That’s some damn good advice, Deb!

    Reply
  3. stoneskin says

    March 24, 2009 at 1:48 am

    Wise words, we all need to hear it. Being selfless is the real key, so hard at times.

    Reply
  4. Blognut says

    March 24, 2009 at 2:34 am

    Words to live by, Deb! Without a doubt! You have cut right to the chase here, my dear.

    Reply
  5. Jenn @ Juggling Life says

    March 24, 2009 at 7:00 am

    It’s excellent advice.

    Reply
  6. Steph says

    March 24, 2009 at 7:10 am

    It’s very, very good advice, if you ask me. Also? That photo made me grin like a fool. It’s absolutely fabulous.

    Reply
  7. Diane says

    March 24, 2009 at 7:54 am

    It’s wonderful advice. Wonderful.

    The picture is wonderful, too… how happy you look!!!

    Reply
  8. foolery says

    March 24, 2009 at 8:25 am

    How could you NOT love that photo? It’s wonderful. I hope it’s framed in a prominent place in your house (which, in our house, would be the bathroom).

    Really, really good marriage advice, Deb. You should be a marriage counselor. Or a minister.

    Reply
  9. Green Girl says

    March 24, 2009 at 8:48 am

    70 for you is stifling for me and perfect for Mr. D. We always battle over that thermostat. LOVELY photo!

    Reply
  10. Danielle says

    March 24, 2009 at 9:43 am

    I think that’s good advice. And I’m with you on the 70 degrees. Even when it’s 110 outside.

    Reply
  11. matteroffactmommy says

    March 24, 2009 at 11:18 am

    awesome advice, deb. truly!

    except for the 70 degree thermostat thing. that only works when you’re not married to someone whose last name ends in “-stein”, if you dig what i’m saying.

    Reply
  12. Auds at Barking Mad says

    March 24, 2009 at 11:51 am

    “Be Willing”

    I like it! I think it’s the best I’ve heard so far and even advice that me and the hubby would do well to heed every once in a while.

    I don’t know about you, but I am super-excited about today and I’m not even one of the two directly involved. I became even more excited once I got my post up.

    *sigh*

    This is just so wonderful!

    Reply
  13. ilinap says

    March 24, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    Dude, I am squealing all on my own here. I think “be willing” should be imprinted on wedding reception cocktail napkins. I love it.

    Reply
  14. Midlife Mama says

    March 24, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    That’s great advice for sure. Be willing. And be willing at the same time. That’s the key. Sometimes one is willing and one is not, and then next time that one is willing and the other is not.

    And I’m so glad to hear you say that you are fundamentally selfish and like things your way, and you don’t say “I’m sorry” very often. I am the same way, and thought I was the only one. Sometimes I think my friends Bud and Margaret have it right — they are together, but live in separate houses right next door to each other. That way they can have their own space, but still do everything together. I’m thinking I like that idea.

    *sigh* Right now? I’m going through a “not willing” phase. Sometimes it’s just so damn hard, and I’m so fricking tired of it being so hard.

    Reply
  15. mommypie says

    March 24, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    I love you Deb. I love your advice. And I love that you were such a part of today.

    I’m still dumbstruck.

    (I can still SQUEEEEEE though!)

    Reply
  16. Chris says

    March 25, 2009 at 5:53 am

    I think your advice is excellent. Spoken like someone who’s been married 50-plus years!

    I’m working on a Prompt Tuesday post… I know it’s silly, but they make me nervous!

    Reply
  17. Rob-bear says

    March 25, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    “Be willing” is great advice, even for us who are going on 40 years married.

    Thermostat at 68 is great. We find 70 a bit much.

    Reply
  18. stephanie (bad mom) says

    March 25, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    You are genius, and so so gorgeous in that wedding photo.

    P.S. You’re generous with 70 degrees; I turn ours up to 72 everyday after school.

    Reply
  19. kate says

    March 27, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    oh hi. duh. i have just realized that that is a photo of you, huh?

    Reply
  20. kate says

    March 27, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    also. you’re beautiful. then and now.

    Reply
  21. Barrie Summy says

    March 27, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    What a great photo!! I’m not sure I have any advice. That’s after 22 years. YIKES!

    Reply
  22. Mama Mary says

    March 27, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    Perfect advice. It’s all so true. As Justin said on Oprah today, Instead of for better or for worse, “It should be for worse or for really bad” (not that he knows yet). People don’t realize what the for worse means until they’re in the middle of it. This is a great Prompt – my anniversary is next week so I had plans to write a little something lovey dovey soon. May not be for a couple days though.
    Great photo of you!!!

    Reply
  23. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says

    March 29, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    Be willing.

    Those two words could change the world.

    Reply

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