The Dream
I’d applied cucumber-cranberry mask to my eyebags and when I looked in the mirror, I happily saw my bags had retracted so completely that they were concave, as if someone had scooped my eyebags out with a teaspoon. It WAS a dream, but still, I should have been alarmed, right? To my credit, the dug-out gaps were not bloody, they were more like smoothed-over flesh holes.
The Dinner
We used a “Buy 1, Get 1 Free Entree” coupon for the first time pretty much ever tonight, applicable only if you buy two drinks at $2.95 each first. When our food arrived, it was on plates the size of small nipples and with essential ingredients missing, like sweet potato crisps and jicama. I felt self-consciously hoboish, so I didn’t say anything. I’m like that with my poor self esteem sometimes.
The Smells
Our bedroom smells like pee.
Our bathroom smells like pee too.
Our kitchen smells like old chicken, Reba Macintyre and Christmas tree preservative.
I’ve just learned to live with it.
The Chosen One
I don’t know. I suspect it’s Brad Renfro.
The Questions
Sure, ask me something and I’ll answer it. For instance, perhaps you’d like to know where I shop for my flesh-dissolving eyebag masks. Or maybe, you’re dying to ask where I come up with my scintillating blog post ideas. Or how to spell scintillating. I’m an open book over here.
The Full Circle
It’s not a circle so much. More like a hypotenuse-less triangle.
Now I won’t be able to sleep–I’ll be having a nightmare of you with scooped out eyes. And also? What bags under your eyes?
Or a Rhombus, as my six year old would say.
Brad Renfro? Really?
I am cracking up at your version of “the smells”
I would learn to live with them to if I couldn’t get rid of it! lol And defiantly would not have company over! :)
I had to look Brad Renfro up, I couldn’t remember him at all. I’m still a little fuzzy. Tell me more! No, wait that’s not a question. Will you please tell me more?
No on Renfro. Yes on Wentworth Miller.
Can I borrow some of your eye mask for my toe? I would like a smoothed-over flesh hole instead of a raw gaping mass of carnage.
I’ll show it to you later . . .
I am in 100% agreement on everything (even the scary scooped-out eye bags, because really, the alternative?) EXCEPT Brad Renfro.
I thought it was universally known that Johnny Depp was THE ONE. Have I been reading the wrong smut mags?
LMAO! specifically plates the size of small nipples & your kitchen smelling like reba macintyre. and my husband pretty much doesn’t take me out unless he has a coupon.
also, i’m with cheri – wentworth miller is the stuff wet dreams are made of. although, he’s gotten a little heavy this season. must be the tumor.
Dear Jenn:
That image scares the beejeez out of me and I’m the one who HAD the dream.
Dear KD:
Show off. :)
Dear Stoneskin:
Nope.
Dear Sabrae:
I have tried everything, especially for the pee. As for the Reba smell, it comes and goes. I’m thinking maybe I’m somehow responsible for the Reba scent.
Dear Kizzie:
Brad’s name just appeared to me. Naturally, I took it to be a portent of the Chosen One. You would too. Right?
Dear Cheri:
Touche on the descriptive adjectives. Can’t wait to see your toe.
Dear Feathermaye:
Please send me your smut mags and I will advise as to their efficacy.
Dear MOFM:
How you make me laugh at inappropriate subject matter.
So what exactly does Reba Mac smell like?
I’m worried about the Reba smell. Everything else can be explained, but this one… not so much.