I’ve got nothing, absolutely nothing today. No ideas, no pending posts, no creativity, no-thing. I pure and simple cannot come up with a topic, or a rant, or a commiseration, a story, a lament, a dirge, a whine (my specialty), a joke, a ramble, NOTHING. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!
Like, did you ever see that Friends where Rachel, Phoebe and Monica started wearing wedding dresses “just to try them out,” and they spent days in the dresses, wearing them while they did chores and watched TV? And Rachel, who was dating Tate Donovan (forget his fake name) in real life and on the show, thought he was freaking out because she was getting too serious, too fast? Then, he knocked on her door, and she opened it wearing the wedding dress, and neither one of them said a word, and she shut the door, and goes,”Well, that ought to do it,” knowing he’d never be back again?
That’s sort of how I’m feeling here. I soooooo want to wear bullet points again, but know if you’re knocking on my door, you’ll be all, “wha? again? She just did bullet points. I’m outta here.”
Then, I’d go sit on my couch with some popcorn and my bullet points and be like, “what just happened?” But also I’d think: “Oh just me and my bullet points. How welcome. Cuz I don’t got the brain power to craft a decent post and also my closet is a mess and I think I’ve even got perishables in there and ACK! I’m just going to do the bullet points, just take a deep breath and enumerate my bullet points. Ommmmm.”
In truth, I was thinking of doing A Bullet Point Blog! With nothing but bullet points! And it would make sense because I live my life as one big bulleted to-do list. And I could just transcribe it here, easy peasy, and San Diego Momma would sink into blogblivion.
But instead, I dug into my “other blog” archives and came up with the below. Seems I’ve been writing about my dad a bit and perhaps you’d like to get to know him better. Probably not. But at least it’s not a dirty wedding dress, am I right? Come to think of it, “dirty wedding dress” may be exactly the right term for recycled blog posts. Better contact the Urban Dictionary or Blogtations before someone claims that brilliance as their own. Meanwhile…
My Dad
(originally posted August 2002)
My dad turns 65 later this month. I remember his 40th, 50th, and 60th birthdays in crystal detail, and still, I can’t imagine him getting old.
When I say this, people ask me what kind of person he is, and I always get tongue-tied.
He defies characterization, yet he can be a breathing stereotype. He’s the most contradictory man I’ve ever known.
Us kids swoon over him . We’re always waiting to hear what he’ll say next, because his sense of humor is legend.
He tells jokes with glee. Dirty jokes, offensive jokes, delightful jokes. His mind is a reservoir of wit. You can say a word — any word — and this prompts a related quip. We try it with everything. Horses. Water pipes. Cupcakes.
He’s impatient. And impulsive. His vices, like his wit, are legend.
He crackles with energy. He can’t sit still, unless he’s watching sports, and even then, he punches the air and yells himself hoarse.
My dad is the life of the party, but when the party’s over, he gets morose. As a kid, I often felt I couldn’t keep his attention — I wasn’t entertaining enough. I still feel that way sometimes.
My dad’s industry reputation precedes him. I imagine he thinks it’s a lot to live up to.
His business kept him away from home a lot. But he was always there for us. If we had a problem, he’d hammer away at it until it was gone, or beat into the ground. I still know I can call him anytime, and if I need him, he’ll drop everything to be by my side.
My dad is a buffoon. He blusters and bellows. He drives a Cadillac, wears a Stetson, smokes a cigar, and sings along to country music. He gets mad easily.
He goes to church every Sunday.
He exaggerates details. Sometimes he leaves things out.
Once, we dined at a restaurant with an adjacent piano bar. My dad seemed to know the place, so my mom asked if he’d been there before. He nodded no. After dinner, we wandered into the bar amidst calls of “Hey Kenny!” and “How ya doing, Ken?” and “Will you have the usual?” He didn’t bat an eye.
My dad’s lived large. He makes no apologies. In quiet times, he knows he should be sorry sometimes. He keeps it to himself. But you can see it in his face.
He’s a breathing testament to the power of positive thinking. My dad has high cholesterol, soaring blood pressure, diabetes, and I’m quite sure — an ulcer, but he won’t let himself get sick. He’s too stubborn.
My dad has every reason to be cynical. He’s seen a lot in his life that might turn one to bitterness.
But he is the most trusting man you’ll meet.
And he’s taught us an important lesson, even if we don’t live it as he does: see the good in everyone and always, always keep your heart open.
Most of the time though, he’s a real pain in my ass.
For nothing, that was a pretty good post. See? A bit of Vicks VapoRub and off goes the writer’s block – whoosh! No matter where you pulled it from – your a–? – it’s still good enough to put out there and reel us in (well, me anyway).
Gotta love ya!
I’m all for bullet points. And I thank you for recollecting a favorite episode–actually, that’s a show I’ve never been ashamed to own up to enjoying!
Your dad sounds really lovely and you sound like you see him clear and with great love.
i love the story about your dad! so descriptive! do you think, if i just write a bunch of jumbled shit down about my father that you could put it into beautiful paragraphs for me? ;)
also, you crack me the f up… even when you supposedly have “no-thing.”
xoxo
1) Kudos or raspberries to you for riffin’ on the new FreeCreditReport.com song? Can’t decide.
2) You have gorgeous bullet points. Use them all you want. I like it when you point away.
3) Yay, Deb! Recycling is good for the environment. Even better this time around because many of your new readers never got to see your first blog.
4) I wanna hang out with you and your dad.
5) “…but when the party’s over, he gets morose”. Remind you of anyone?
* I love bullet points.
* Your dad sounds pretty awesome.
* My dad would admit me into the witness protection program if I blogged about him.
As a dyed in the wool Daddy’s Girl who’s going through a rough patch I just have to say, “awwwwww, that’s so nice.”
I too, am a loyal fan of the bullet point. This love, I think, comes of the fact that, life being what it is, my brain just ain’t what it used to be. If “War and Peace” was written in bullet points, I would read it for sure.
I also really enjoyed the piece about your dad. I vow that one day when I have time to sit and scratch and read more wonderful blogs (perhaps after retirement), I will go back and read every post in your archives.
For nothing to say….you sure are a better blogger than me…lol! Great read!
~Bullet points sing to my ADD brain like nobody’s business.
~This post was a pretty good read for a “nothing” post.
~My dog is licking my toes…oh, sorry. Distracted.
~I wish I could meet your dad.
That is all.
*I’ve been waivering on bullet point posts for the past two months
*I’m just going to cave and do one soon, I think.
*I used to do them a lot. They take on a life of their own!
*I put entirely too much pressure on myself to write for my blog most days
*Feeling pressured to write a personal blog can’t be right!
*Can it?
*Your dad sounds amazing
*Your writing is so descriptive I feel like I know him after reading this!
I love reading bullet posts because my mind works well in bullet form. Sometimes only a bullet will do it. Omigosh. I think I’ll use that as a post title. Reading about your Dad is good too. :)
Are you tired of me fawning over you in my comments? ‘Cause this is me, totally fawning. For nothing, that was surely something.
His name was Josh-ua, remember the way she’d say it like a teenager saying the name of her crush?
Gotta love the bullet points. I’m all about the to-do lists. And Post-its. I shoulda bought stock in Post-it.
Former hockey coach and current sports commentator Don Cherry says: never make excuses, never apologize. Sounds like your dad lives by those rules.
Thanks for your comments on the underage Chinese gymnasts. I agree with you about their win. Despite their age, they were SOLID. So were the Chinese men.
There might be a book there on your dad! You’ve got the material and the interesting subject for sure.
It’s hard to live with a larger-than-life figure.
You just ever know what you have in ya! See, that post was good – even without the bonus one about your dad (which, thankyouverymuch for). :)
My solution for the bloggy blahs? I have funny, random thoughts all throughout they day which all scatter like scared mice when I sit down to write. It’s very frustrating.
Being the good nerd I am, I carry around a small notebook for writing down things like phone numbers or other things – so in the back I scribble post ideas. When my blog is looking boring, I look through these. Most of them are junk, but every now & then one will jump out & I’ll say, “Oh, YEAH! That’s brilliant!” and start writing.
It’s also good when the writing bug hits you, to save a few back or schedule them out. Stick ’em up when the blahs hit you.
sorry my dear, but you have been tagged… another annoying meme! (blame steph)
Lordy, my dad would shoot me if I wrote about him. Being that I think being shot would be painful, and there’s the little fact that I’d be dead, I probably won’t ever write about him. Not that he’s wicked evil or anything, he’s just very private.
For having nothing (except maybe a possible case of HDVT you tweeted about), this is pretty good!
* I think I like your dad, a lot, I think.
* I bet “dirty wedding dress” brings over many Googling pervs. Go away Googling pervs.
* I like the way you do no-thing.
* I love the idea of a bullet-point blog. There are index-card blogs, blogs with lists of what white people like, and such like. You would rock the bullet-point blog. Start one.
As I’ve said before, your portraits of people are among my favorite of your pieces. This is no exception. The way you write about your dad makes me feel like he’s a part of MY family.
Are we PMSing together? I mean, I don’t PMS anymore, but I have one of my weird “things” going on. You there, too?
I’ve got nothing, absolutely nothing today. No ideas, no pending posts, no creativity, no-thing
I wish when I had nothing to say, I could say as much as you so eloquently don’t say.