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San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / What Have I, What Have I, What Have I Done to Deserve This?

What Have I, What Have I, What Have I Done to Deserve This?

Etcetera

bob.jpg

 

Hi, I’m Bob.

 

Look, I can’t get me any San Diego Momma lovin’, so I thought I’d come to the blog hole, where she spends every flocking minute and get her to notice me, just pay attention for one minute. I’m dying over here. So I’m going to air our dirty laundry in public. Maybe she’ll listen now.

 

San Diego Momma? Don’t you love me anymore? I just can’t talk to you these days. You never let me vent my feelings, never take out me out for some rock n’ roll or a good tumble, never say “hello” even or “talk dirty to me.”

 

Did I let myself go? I know we made a pact that I wouldn’t get too big, but I need some support here. I’ve still got it, right? That tousled look you fell in love with?

 

bobbody.jpg

 

I’m sorry, there’s just nothing I can do about the pear shape. Or the unfortunate resemblance to Carrot Top.

But you knew that when we met.

 

I’m lonely, San Diego Momma. I sit in the closet all day, filling up with more self loathing and disgust by the minute. I’ve got so much heaped up inside that it stinks, it really stinks.

 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I fall at your feet, spread myself across the ground you walk on, sprawl on your bed even, but you just push me aside, say “maybe tomorrow.”

 

I’m going to be blunt: You come do me or I’ll tell your husband about us.

 

Ah, I’ve got you now, don’t I? Do you really think he believed that was milk on your collar? And what about the underwear? Don’t you think he wonders why you don’t wear any? That’s right! It’s because I have it all. Every stinkin’ last one.

 

Think about it San Diego Momma. I’m sick of being ignored. You change your ways or I’ll start slinging the mud.

 

And you know I’m good at that.

 

Clean up your act, lady or I’ll sully your good name.

 

Le Sullier (remember when you gave me that nickname? we were in France and you fell in that cowpie?), Bob

 

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April 2, 2008 · 14 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « Big Blogger Bonanza (I mean that metaphorically)
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Comments

  1. Melissa says

    April 2, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    LOVE IT!!!! All I can say is, Bob sure gets around!

    Reply
  2. Da Goddess says

    April 2, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Now there’s some fun with laundry I can get behind!

    Reply
  3. matteroffactmommy says

    April 2, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    we call mine henrietta… a long name for a long time waiting…

    love this stuff! love the creativity and humor. good times! ;)

    Reply
  4. Jamie says

    April 2, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    You are a genius!

    Looking forward to having it rub off on me next week!

    Reply
  5. Steph says

    April 3, 2008 at 2:07 am

    great! I love it when I read morning humor and my friend is calling out to me too!

    Reply
  6. LisaN says

    April 3, 2008 at 7:17 am

    Thank you for the smile this morning………..:)

    BTW, I love the little feet at the bottom.

    Reply
  7. Jenn says

    April 3, 2008 at 9:22 am

    LOL! Very cleaver!

    I am glad Bob is not stalking me right now…my Mother is in town!

    Reply
  8. Jenn says

    April 3, 2008 at 9:38 am

    oops, I meant clever, not cleaver.

    Reply
  9. mommypie says

    April 3, 2008 at 3:10 pm

    BAHAHAHAHA
    I should introduce Bob to my Betty. Maybe we could get a whole new wardrobe!

    Reply
  10. Mommyrella says

    April 3, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    Oh my gosh! I have a huge grin on my face, because I almost posted my ‘man’ today, but have been doin’ him all afternoon. You are tooo funny!

    Reply
  11. Mommyrella says

    April 3, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    By the way, I like totally got the Pet Shop Boys ref, and now I like, totally have them stuck in my head. Ohmygod!

    Reply
  12. kate says

    April 3, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    i see your bob and raise you a harry, jim and phil. or as i call them, my big ass moldy laundry piles that i hid in my laundry room when you guys were here.

    Reply
  13. Cheri says

    April 3, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    You are a silly one.

    Reply
  14. myra says

    April 5, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    you are Nothing Short of Brilliant. thank you for the laugh today.

    Reply

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