Most Boring Post Ever. (Or Your Money Back)

Today, I’m dragging my feet before starting the marathon that is taking Toots and Booger to the park.

I didn’t get much sleep last night what with the spider crawling across my face, dropping onto my shoulder and making its way into the ear canal to eat my brain. The part that wore me out was the jumping up, stripping off of all my clothes, inspecting each square inch of my body for spider eggs and moving to the couch where I sat, huddled, wrapped in protective spider repellant gear.

Now, Toots is drawing on the table next to me and eating peanuts for breakfast. Booger is eating her namesake.

I’ve been trying to be more proactive with the kids, taking them out, doing stuff, before I’m slammed with work, so we went to the zoo on Wednesday. The San Diego Zoo is rife with hills and steepness that you have to walk UP and then DOWN and usually back UP again, if you’re me and can’t read a map or find your way out of a place unless it’s spider infested, so you wander around until someone takes pity on you and shows you the way to the air tram that will transport you back to the flamingos.

I don’t like to fly, or be up in the air for extended periods of time. But I do not want to pass this fear onto my children, so I just kept asking Toots, “Are you sure you want to get on the Skyfari? Sure? Is that a yes? What? A yes? Oh, OK, then let’s get out of line. I’ve got my walking shoes on heh heh, huh? You said yes?” So I’ve got to follow through, even though I’m sure the teeny wire keeping us connected to the tram car will snap, sending us straight into the lion’s den, or the tarantula habitat.

So the whole time we’re in the sky I’m looking at the floor, pretending to get the kids rice cakes from the diaper bag as I ask nervously, “you guys want some rice cakes? some rice cakes? do you want some? rice cakes? are you hungry? are you hungry? i’ve got some rice cakes. you want some? just one? a rice cake? you guys?”

Is that an existential exit sign?

Disconcertingly, planes fly over Balboa Park where the zoo is located, and they fly low and soon, I was eye to eye with the passengers of that one Southwest jet, and I’m about to shed my modicum of parental confidence, but we start our descent and I’m able to hold on a few seconds longer.

So today? The park.