• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • About
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • San Diego Momma
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / If Only a Picture Could Hack, Cough and Spit

If Only a Picture Could Hack, Cough and Spit

Etcetera

There’s no picture today because this post is about my neighbor, who is so close that if he had a telephoto lens, he could see what I was writing right now.

 

(In fact, he doesn’t even need a telephoto lens, he just needs eyes.)

 

In truth, I did try to snap a picture of his bathroom window, which is roughly 6 feet from me, as it is the topic of this post, as well as the source of much aural pain. But the damn flash went off and soon, his light snapped on, and Oh Lord, I didn’t want him coming over here and spitting on me.

 

Because that man can spit.

 

Let me back up: my neighbor takes about 3 showers a day. How do I know this, you may ask. Well, due to our close proximity, I am audibly assaulted each and every time he cleanses himself. It’s a ten-minute-long concert of gross that starts with a robust inhale, and is followed by a series of phlegmy exhalations. This guy is more mucous than man.

 

And the thing is: he knows we can hear him. Our kitchen table, which is also my office, the kids’ arts and crafts center, discussion central and oh yes, where we eat, is fronted by a large plate glass window that looks directly into my neighbor’s bathroom window. He sees us and we see him (and sometimes ahem, a second person) showering. (Wait. That didn’t sound right: he sees us seeing him. Not he sees us showering. That would be a password-protected post.) I’ve lowered the shades, but the shades aren’t opaque, so we see outlines, then we move, but we still hear him, and man oh man, my eardrums are bursting just thinking about it.

 

Maybe he thinks the hacking makes him sound virile? Or, manly? Or, perhaps he’s an aspiring spokesmodel for Mucinex and wants to get good and mucousy before his big audition. I don’t know. I’ve heard of exhibitionists, but this is weird. Maybe it’s a fetish? He can only enjoy his expectorations if there’s someone around to hear it?

 

Either way, it’s time for me to fight back. I’ve spent weeks gathering my Mucous Brigade and we’re ready for to blow roll.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

February 5, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « Best Song Ever (For now)
Next Post: This Will Be A Serious One »

Reader Interactions

Leave a ReplyCancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

I love words. Every one, every time. (Except “moist.” That word can go.) …read more

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Sure. I’d love to see you again.

Categories

Archives

San Diego Momma
Mother’s mob! ❤️❤️❤️ Mother’s mob! ❤️❤️❤️
The most fun. Highly recommend. Not the people (I The most fun. Highly recommend. Not the people (I recommend them, yet they are MINE)… but the whole Brunch Bash thing! (Look up San Diego Magazine Insiders….). Lots of fun and food and frocktails (tried to make it alliterative)…
Frat party dayger! (We were there for 30 minutes.) Frat party dayger!
(We were there for 30 minutes.) ;)
#FamilyWeekend
The ultrasound photo, shower invite, and birth ann The ultrasound photo, shower invite, and birth announcement still look new…but YOU are 19!!!
Happy Birthday baby girl!!!!
@alexawillliams
Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years… Circumstance Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years…
Circumstances have changed since post-Prom-picnic-circa-1986-vibes…
#WhereIsBryanAdamsNow
Dorm drop! 🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕 Dorm drop!
🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕
💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫 💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Hello Chicky

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT