• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • About
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • San Diego Momma
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
San Diego Momma

San Diego Momma

Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / Monkey On My Back: The Continuation

Monkey On My Back: The Continuation

Etcetera

strongdeb.jpg
I am strong, like a Powerpuff Girl. Except I’m not a kindergartner. But that’s open for debate.

 

Read Part I first here.

 

The anxiety: it’s overwhelmed me, made me laugh, ruined relationships, made friendships, and inspired my writing. It’s funny, really, that this is one of the first times that I’ve called it out: I never refer to what I have as anxiety in so many words. Although, surely that’s what it is. Just this past Saturday night, as I lay on the couch watching a movie, I experienced an hour of pounding heartbeats. For no reason. The Rock had to tickle me out of it, his last-ditch relaxation inducer.

 

My theory is that my emotional anxiety has jumped to the physical plane, and I’m experiencing anxiety symptoms, whether I’m actually anxious or not. Or, perhaps, the anxiety is now out of proportion to actual events. Like, I’ve undergone it for so long, that the simplest catalyst galvanizes the symptoms into action and they attack full force with little provocation. In the case of the movie, I jumped at an unexpected scene, and after that, the heart started pounding. And wouldn’t stop.

 

So after I went to the doctor several months ago, and she speculated I had anxiety, and then sent me on my way with a prescription for Lexapro, I decided to declare war on anxiety. I didn’t want to take medication for it. I wanted to understand it. Know why it’s there. Its triggers and origins.

 

I’ve been to therapists before, and it just hasn’t worked for me. My theory is that I don’t really have a problem: I’m making it a problem. My life is great: I have good friends, loving, stable, Rock-like husband, wonderful house and healthy, goofy kids. There is nothing wrong. And what’s tended to work in the past is for me to talk myself out of the anxiety. Strip it of its power. Give gratitude for what I have. Open my eyes, be aware. Get over it.

 

Now, I know this is a namby pamby way of handling anxiety for many people. Anxiety is a very real disease and some people can’t even leave their house or have a “normal” life because of it. I’m not trying to minimize its impact. But for me and my brand of anxiety (do I need a trademark symbol here?), the best approach has been to stop fearing it and knowing that I am stronger.

 

So, it hasn’t always worked. Some of my symptoms (and again if these are markers of a neurological or nerve disease instead, boy am I going to eat my words) are so intrusive that it’s hard to function: the most bothersome of them all has been the “internal” shaking and electricity coursing through my system sensation. This brought me, finally, to a kinesthesiologist, as I’ve found traditional medical doctors tend to send you on your way with a prescription, but no insight into your condition. I figured an “alternative” medical practitioner would offer some other treatments and a more holistic view of my anxiety.

 

I was sort of right.

 

To Be Continued

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

February 4, 2008 · 4 Comments

Sure I’d love to see you again

Previous Post: « Momma Love
Next Post: Sweet Like Sugar »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Comments

  1. Steph says

    February 5, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    I’m a firm believer in better living through pharmaceuticals (I blame it all on the weed I smoked as a kid), but I also think that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with fixing the disease, rather than alleviating the symptoms. (I suspect this is your logic, as well.)

    I respect your decision to go another route, and I’m waiting not-so-patiently to hear how the kinesthesiologist worked out.

    Reply
  2. admin says

    February 5, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Hey Steph:

    Not taking medication is also part of my anxiety, I think. (I don’t even like to take Advil.)

    Also, I don’t really know anything. So right now, I think I don’t want to take medication. Tomorrow, I may think differently.

    With this thing, I’m on a road and who knows where I’ll end up.
    (Hopefully not in the crapper, as my Dad would say.)

    Reply
  3. Lime & Tequila says

    March 12, 2008 at 6:07 am

    I suffered depression and related anxiety at one time. Medication helped, the therapy less so.

    I now do acupuncture. It may not be right for everyone. We all have to answer that question for ourselves.

    My husband went a few times. After I made him an appointment. He said it relaxed him and he wasn’t sure that was a good thing. So it’s not his thing.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. sandiegomomma.com » Blog Archive » Monkey on My Back says:
    March 31, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    […] Part II is here. « « KidSpeak    |    Bluropia » » […]

    Reply

Primary Sidebar

I love words. Every one, every time. (Except “moist.” That word can go.) …read more

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Sure. I’d love to see you again.

Categories

Archives

Blogroll

  • Blog This Mom
  • Da Goddess
  • Dirt and Noise
  • Discover San Diego
  • Foolery
  • Juggling Life
  • Mama Mary Show
  • Mel, A Dramatic Mommy
  • Mom Zombie
  • Mommy’s Martini
  • Motherhood is Not for Wimps
San Diego Momma

Footer

Archives

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Categories

sandiegomomma

sandiegomomma
Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years… Circumstance Back in Lake Geneva after 36 years…
Circumstances have changed since post-Prom-picnic-circa-1986-vibes…
#WhereIsBryanAdamsNow
Dorm drop! 🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕 Dorm drop!
🏫👩‍🏫🥲💕
💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫 💫Travel poster for Saturday wine tasting.💫
Celebrating the new 16-year-old with a quick Santa Celebrating the new 16-year-old with a quick Santa Monica trip.
And now she knows she doesn’t want to live in LA….
#LifeLessons
It’s happening….. It’s happening…..
Barely tolerating me….. Barely tolerating me…..
Beach day with my “little” one while big sis e Beach day with my “little” one while big sis explores Cal Poly…
Life transitions. Beautiful but I haz the olds.
#NotAboutMe #Whhhhyyyyy
A rare Bubbie sighting. Spotted in the wild. #HeDo A rare Bubbie sighting. Spotted in the wild. #HeDoesntLikePictures
Sunset squad. Brought a picnic and drinks to Del M Sunset squad.
Brought a picnic and drinks to Del Mar and watched the waves and horizon. Not too crowded or cold - another good hang with the neighborhood gang! ❤️❤️
Imprinting 2021 holidays on my brain (and in my In Imprinting 2021 holidays on my brain (and in my Instagram) (and in my antibodies). It’s a COVID New Year’s Eve…
Husband and I down for the count(down).
BUT. We’re doing decent and it’s cozy up in here…
Winery times! Winery times!
Guys on couch watching football; girls in kitchen Guys on couch watching football; girls in kitchen talking about everything.
Smells like a Sunday neighbor night. ;)
Line dancing lessons… My two left feet did nothi Line dancing lessons…
My two left feet did nothing right - but they did it with gusto.
Looking for a new book to read! #BookClub Despite Looking for a new book to read! #BookClub Despite the seeming divine intervention from above, we weren’t struck with the “perfect” next book to put on our list…..
Post-white-water-rafting super exhaustion. (Oh my Post-white-water-rafting super exhaustion.
(Oh my gosh you guys…! No! I’m not a sports model! But I totally understand how you might think so.) 😜😜😜
I wanted my hair to do that. #NordicSisters I wanted my hair to do that.
#NordicSisters
Dad’s hats on the people who loved/knew/laughed/ Dad’s hats on the people who loved/knew/laughed/sang with him.
Miss you Dad. Hope we do your hats justice. Lord knows we’ll have fun in them, just like you did. 😇
Paso Robles! Wine tasting beauty. It’s stunning Paso Robles! Wine tasting beauty. It’s stunning here. And the landscape is nice too ;).
Found my brother’s old ad copy. Good fun-writing Found my brother’s old ad copy. Good fun-writing inspiration...
Just in case I wasn’t feeling ancient enough, th Just in case I wasn’t feeling ancient enough, the rainbow jumper and white bobby socks oughta do it. No but wait! There’s a bowl cut. Annnnnnnddd giant gold-rimmed specs.
#CentennialFashion
Load More... Follow on Instagram
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Hello Chicky

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT