Since the discovery of a “SID’S Baby Furniture” in Los Angeles in 1992, I’ve found the names of things interesting. (And SID’S? Baby Furniture? Who didn’t do their research?) Then there’s Sum Yung Guy Chinese, and the famous “Donut Touch” here in San Diego. Talk about compelling advertising. THAT donut shop obviously knows something we don’t.
And I’ll tell you one other thing. Bed, Bath and Beyond makes me think of coffin merchandise. The “Beyond” is so funereal, right? Who’s with me? (This post has taken on the tone of an aging, down ‘n out, semi-retired comedian with a drinking problem.)
Just don’t get me started on the ads I used to have faxed to the video game magazine where I once worked. So many start-up companies overseas adopted these “American”-sounding names to fit in with the booming industry in the States, and the results were always, always comedic. I can’t remember a specific company name, per se, but I do remember the ads, one which promised, “7 valuable experiences of hell,” and vidgame action that was “too much interesting and funny!”
I’m not making fun of non-English speakers, really. That’s not the point here. But the point is: do your research! America’s guilty of this as well. Doesn’t Coca-Cola mean “hairy butt cyst” in Chinese? (Thanks Tinsenpup)
This brings me to my point. (Sorta.)
I bought this coffee substitute yesterday. Which may explain why this post makes little to no sense and is fair to middling. Also why I’m seeing double and have gas.
Don’t get me wrong. I love this stuff. Really. And I’m sure InterNational Foods from Paramus, New Jersey, is going to contact me for a spokeswomanship; it’s just the name that throws me off.
Because it’s so apologetic. Doesn’t “Pero” mean “but” (the non-cystic, non-hairy kind) in Spanish? As in, “Sorry. We know you really want coffee. BUT this is all we got…” Or if I were a crack whore, buying a crack substitute, “Pero,” would be all “I’m sure you’re looking for your crack, but meanwhile, enjoy this refreshing bubbly beverage.”
No, Pero! Take the bull by the horns! Toot those horns! Name yourself, “Get Over It!,” or “Coffee’s a Slut.” Something catchy. Yet to the point.
Just like this post! Am I right? Can I get an amen? (Where’s that cinematic wise-cracking waitress to my cynical comedian?)
Is this thing on?
I’m sorry, my friends. I’ll try writing the next post without drinking a truckload of Pero first. It may not have caffeine, but there’s something decidedly mind-altering about it. (Is Pero a mushroom hallucinogenic?)
Ah so. Good one, Pero. Guess you got the last laugh.
AMEN!
You must be an English major? Me, too, a few times over. And I also play to crickets most of the time when I get on one of these language jags.
I would totally buy “Coffee’s A Slut.” Especially if it was sold at my local Whole Foods by a certain someone.
with another “r”, it’d be dog in Spanish. As in “perro”. Dog + but = Dogbutt.
I’m so juvenile today and I don’t even care. I’m taking a walk down memory today and feeling sorta weepy.
Um, Amen?
Hairy butt cyst, seriously?
Chevy Nova in Spanish-speaking countries. Nuff said.
“hairy butt cyst”…seriously?
i like “instant natural beverage”. compelling.
“Seeing double and have gas” SNORT I thought you were going with “but/butt” after that comment, BUT as usual you are totally unpredictable and hilarious.
And yeah I have always gotten a kick out of the Chevy NoVa Car.
Perhaps we should have some iced Pero at Cheri’s house. Or perhaps not. I know, Jamie can invent a new drink–Peros and Irish Cream!
WOW.
am i the only one wondering why you bought that stuff instead of maybe just some regular ole namebrand decaf coffee…?
BTW, you should totally make fun of the non-english speaking. not here, but maybe on my blog… ;)
Not that I would know or anything… *cough
but um, I’ve seen people on mushrooms and they don’t wanna talk much, but boy the trees really look cool, they look so pretty, oh and look at those lights, the lights, the way they make the tree’s shadows dance. They’re dancing for me. I know it, it’s so beautiful.
Again, this is strictly conjecture on my part.
*cough
man, I have really bad alleriges
hah, I remember in Spanish class learning that Fresca soda did not do well in certain latin american countries because it was slang for lesbian.
Also, the Chevy Nova wasn’t selling so hot because nova in Spanish is no va, which means, no go. not a good name for a car
Oh man…this is funny!!! But…here in Japan, after doing sports, you should reach for a nice can of “Pocari Sweat”….or, if you want something sweeter, try “CalPis”….yeah, say that one kind of fast and really…no…huh-uh…no way. (and my boys love it!!)
Go to Engrish.com and click “products”….there are a bunch of them out there!!! I go there if I need a good laugh!!!
debbie
Oh sure. Bring the iced hairy butt cyst drink to my house, Jenn. Like you think that I don’t have my own supply, oh ye of little faith.
BTW, I totally bought Kristen/Courtney’s baby furnishings at Sid’s in LA (this would be 1984). It was where you went. Then. However, back then the issue with the name Sid’s for a baby furnishings store was lost on me because in 1984? I was ten.
Amen, Sister! Testify! In Australia, they sell an ice cream on a stick called a ‘Golden Gaytime’. Seriously. They just never got around to changing the name as the language out-evolved their product. Nevertheless, I like Golden Gaytimes so much that I’m more than happy to ask for them where ever I go!
ooh, i thought of another one… “Cock Flavored Soup.” i used to display a packet on my desk at work and people never quite knew what to think.
LLOL. Instant natural beverage, eh?
Oh, kind of related, but on my favorites list, your blog name looks like sandiegomomma.com, right? Which makes sense. Except for in my mind it looks like sandie go momma.com. I know.
Or the country brand confusion. In Australia a brand of sticky tape (like Scotch tape) is called Durex and we use it generically, like Kleenex. In England Durex (perhaps elsewhere? I wouldn’t know!) is a condom brand. Imagine my embarrassment when, as a teenager, I asked across a crowded office in London if anyone had any Durex…and was greeted by total silence.
Haha! Hairy what?!
Oh wow. I just re-read this post. Make sense much not, SD Momma?
My sincerest apologies for calling coffee a slut. We all know it was just the way she was raised.
Bad Mom: Not English, but journalism. Pretty word-centric, both though, right? And yes! You should buy the “Coffee’s a Slut” coffee from that certain Whole Foods hawtness and wink suggestively when you do.
DaG: I very much appreciate the dogbutt reference.
Mel: AMEN! Right back at you.
Jamie: No. But it would be funny, right?
Steph: True dat.
Hen: No. But hairy butt cyst is such a humorous phrase that I like to use it often. My kids are so lucky to have me.
Kate: Compelling. Just like this post. Right? RIGHT?????
Girl Next Door: Ditto, babe!
Jenn: Mmmm….And if Pero were spelled with two “r”s…that’d be even better! Dogs in Cream! It’s gonna be a hit, a hit!
MOFM: I will trust you to pick up the reins on the blog bits I left unsaid…
PJ Momma: Please mail me some of your allergy medicine.
Debbie: I love those! And I have a new website to visit to pass my free time! (My husband isn’t going to be very happy with you)
Cheri: What do you put in your iced hairy butt cyst? Mine has a secret ingredient.
Tinsenpup: As originator of the “hairy butt cyst” moniker, I would eat anything you tell me to…including a Golden Gaytime.
MOFM: What’s the picture of tbe packet of the Cock-Flavored soup? It’s important that I know.
Noel: SO they say.
And I also pronounce it in my head as sandie go momma (seriously).
Deborah: Please start a blog. Really, Please?
Mark: I know, huh??? It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t “hairy.”
it’s a picture of a cock. the kind that get CHICKENS pregnant. not women.
I like you on PERO. More please.
I love this post! My favorite store here in town was “Savon/Osco” Drugs. But it was bought by CVS. “Osco” sounds like “Asco” which means “disgusting” in Spanish.
Nobody does stand-up like you Babe. NOBODY. HA!
I just love that you said, “fair to middling.”
You are a riot! I thought the same thing when I saw that SIDS name by baby furniture. Ummmmm….DUH people!!!