Imprints of youth:
 
Stretched out on a blanket, stomach packed with homemade ice cream, holding my breath as silver sprinkles explode, dropping tentacle by tentacle into the horizon.
 
Watching fireflies dodge between sparklers, hearing the distant shouts of other neighborhood children, whooping with delight in answer to their parents’ murmured caution.
 
Red and white checkers, hot dogs burned […]

Since the discovery of a “SID’S Baby Furniture” in Los Angeles in 1992, I’ve found the names of things interesting. (And SID’S? Baby Furniture? Who didn’t do their research?) Then there’s Sum Yung Guy Chinese, and the famous “Donut Touch” here in San Diego. Talk about compelling advertising. THAT donut shop obviously knows something we […]

This week, please humor me by writing an infomercial for this product:
 

 
OK, go! (But first: Are you going to make this an infomercial for a super-duper jumbo turbo vibratron? Really? Me too!)
 
Well, before you proceed, here are the “rules” (YAWNNNN):
 

You must write your entry in 10 minutes. This encourages top-of-mind, primal thinking before the ego […]

Part 1 Here.
Part 2 Here.
 
Far From the End
 
So he’s trembling on my doorstep, clutching a ridiculous and probably stolen, bottle of wine. He’s sweat-soaked, too, which I discover is because he walked the 16 miles to my apartment in the late August sun. I’m surprised to see him, really, I thought it was over. But, […]

I’ve been blogging since 2001. For many years, I remained content to write in my little corner of the universe, rarely reaching out to other bloggers and vice versa. In fact, I never promoted my blog, included its link in comments, or spoke about it much at all. Part of my seclusion arose from the […]

Intro to the Craziest Story on Earth
 
In the Middle
 
I returned to my friends at the bar, exactly at closing time. I clutched the artist’s phone number in my fist, and swooned in the back seat of the car, bedazzled and buzzing. That night he called to be sure I made it home OK and we […]

This past PROMPTuesday, I wrote a little snippet about someone hiding under my bed. In the story, this person was an undesirable someone. A someone you’d most definitely NOT want to find lurking under your bed.
 
And it really happened.
 
A lot really happened those 12 years ago, stuff that I’m going to write about now. I’ve […]

Every morning now as I prepare her breakfast, Booger asks me for “sumting elf.” Not a species of fairfolk, no, rather, two-year-oldese for “something else.”
So when it comes to food, a play destination, or outfits, I’m a magician with a hat, hoping to pull a rabbit or flying gerbil from the depths in an attempt […]

I went to a San Diego Blog Bitches dinner last night, and all I got was this lousy link to the most hysterical recap ever.
 
I was going to post my own summary, but there’s no way I’m following this act.
 

The other day, I pushed learning-to-swim Toots into the pool.
I know, I know.
 
It’s just that she wanted desperately to jump off the edge into the shallow end (I’m not a total monster), hesitating time and again, yearning to jump, really struggling with herself and her fear of the unknown. And, suddenly, I flashed back […]

Welcome to PROMPTuesday! Glad you’re here. So, lucky number 10, huh? Right? Holy cridoodle. There’s been 10 PROMPTuesdays already! You’re all growing up right before my eyes. Soon, you’ll be pouring whiskey into Clinique trial hairspray bottles and sneaking into the janitor’s bathroom during your high school homecoming game to get buzzed. But you’ll forget […]

Management regrets to inform you that San Diego Momma has dissolved into a puddle of gelatinous body tissue, unresolved neuroses, and iced Soy Lattes.
 
We’re working on putting her back together bigger, stronger, and faster than before. Well, maybe not bigger. But definitely without a vagina.
 

Lots of frolicking on the beach today! People everywhere! Toddlers running, kids romping, teens lounging. Wow! Just throngs of humanity. And you, there in the thick of it all, real close to the beach, up front where everyone can see you, just gallivanting, gallivanting. Splashing to and fro, chasing your kids, jumping up and down. […]

I love quirkers. Truly. I adore weird people of every stripe and nonsense word they utter. I’d so much rather lunch with people who are strange and creatively unkempt than bland genericsons. In fact, I do seem to be one of those people who off-the-beaten-path types befriend. In college in Milwaukee, I lived down the […]

Today’s PROMPTuesday keeps it simple.
 
Read this poem (one of my favorites):
 
Disillusionment of Ten O’Clock
by Wallace Stevens
 
The houses are haunted
By white night-gowns.
None are green,
Or purple with green rings,
Or green with yellow rings,
Or yellow with blue rings.
None of them are strange,
With socks of lace
And beaded ceintures.
People are not going
To dream of baboons and periwinkles.
Only, here and […]

But first, some photo notes:
 
–I’m growing a bodybuilder neck. And I don’t lift weights. Or work out (much). Thoughts?
–I don’t intentionally dress my children as hobos. It just turns out that way.
–Costco does not sell enough Kirkland wipes for Toots.
–We do not beat our children (although we sometimes submerge them in ice baths) as the […]

There’s so much to do on my agenda (more shopping links, a 6 degrees of bloggeration post, and following through on my commitments ), but ding dang, I’m tapped.
 
I even went to the Dinner Studio Wednesday night to save me time, precious moments I could use to exercise and figure out why my daughter […]

My Grandma Hazel — God love her — used to do this thing with her mouth, where she’d smack her dentures after every sentence. It sounded like a wet cross between a gum chew and an orange suck and it grossed me out no end. And that’s really saying something, because as a kid I […]

Do you remember how, last week, I promised to list my favorite websites for stuff this Wednesday? And do you recall how I blew off listing my favorite soft rock hits from the ’70s? Even though I knew that post would be big, BIG!, babies. I’m telling you. And maybe you thought that I’d forget […]

This PROMPTuesday is about what lies beneath. So this week, I’d like you to look at this picture:
 

 
…and very quickly write down the first three words that come to mind. Now, start writing, using those words anywhere in your story. (Be sure to name the three words in your post or comments for our FYI.)
 
Oh! […]

I know I skipped right over the 70s soft rock hits, but I figured you’d probably forgive me, or more specifically, thank me profusely, for not posting it yesterday. Instead, I’m skipping right to my Monday agenda, which was to post two story intros from the manuscript I’ve been working on….
 
I’d hoped you wouldn’t mind […]

{After hearing from several people that they’ve seen these movies, I’m going to deny that I’m hopelessly out of touch and instead re-name this post to:
Non-Blockbuster Movies That You Might Want to See Again, like Box of Moonlight.)
 
So I don’t know, some of you may have seen these movies. Probably have, in fact. But these […]

Well, this painful bit of writer’s blockage persists. So, to keep me posting, I’ve come up with a desperate clever plan to keep me blog accountable.
 
What will follow over the next few days are slightly generic, but borderline interesting posts on stuff. I don’t plan to write about personal things, because I’m just blocked on […]

You wouldn’t believe the enormous writer’s block I’m battling right now. My brain’s shut down. Maybe to devote its energy to raising my serotonin levels. Seems like every sentence I write is clunky and humorless. So, let me just tell you that I’m walking along oceans, listening to music, and eating healthy. My mind and […]

Just want to say thanks again for your e-mailed and phoned support during my mental breakdown.
 
Me thinks that some of my psychotic break came from hormones. How I hate them sometimes! Seriously. How do these little molecules have so much power? What havoc they wreak on my system. I’m pretty sure hormones dictated some of […]

The Mom Crowd is giving away a conference pass to BlogHer (worth $348).
 
Check it out here: Win Me.
 

 
(Thank you everyone who called and e-mailed me, I’m humbled. I really am. I’ll update on my mental state soon. The news isn’t all bad.)
 
On to this week’s PROMPTuesday. So as I was thinking of what to do this time, my wise and creative friend, Kristine, reminded me of the “first sentence” writing prompts, and […]

 
The one where I bare all. And even show the dead skin flakes from constant nose blowing.
 
I suppose I’m depressed. I don’t know. Maybe what I’m feeling is a combination of mental and physical exhaustion, existential angst and hormonal flux. But what I do know is that I’m near tears, snapping at my kids, perpetually […]

 
Taken last night, this pic is symbolic.
 
First, we’re a little blurry and off-center. Then, I’m not directly under the Buddha head (and I need to be, metaphysically-speaking). Finally, all around us is a mess. (But we’ve got our arms around each other. That counts for something, right?)
 
Suffice to say, Toots is still sick. On both […]

I’d kinda hoped for a brief respite today. Oh sure, I needed to edit my reports, stick something in the crock pot, and do a cursory housecleaning, but I’d have loved to punctuate my day with a little mindless TV, perhaps some popcorn, even a nap. Each day fills with obligations and chores and I […]

I walked down the aisle to this song, sung by a friend of mine (not the original artist) and I can’t believe I just found it after all these years.
 
Really, I thought I’d never hear it again. i just couldn’t locate it anywhere. And the only place I’d ever hear it was if I watched […]

I hate when people take too long to continue a story. I refused to watch miniseries on network TV for that very reason. I could not stand to wait until the next day or week for a story to be completed. But hypocrite much? Nearly three weeks later and I’m finishing the Coretta story. (Not […]

Wow. You PROMPTuesdayers are GOOD.
 
I’m honored to have you participate.
 
And if you haven’t read the submissions yet, take a minute to do so. You won’t be disappointed.
 
p.s. My early morning wake-up plan was foiled by nighttime pee and cereal requests.
 

There’s so many things I want to tell you.
 
Like, why I haven’t done this PROMPTuesday. (Answer: Because it’s too hard.) Or, why I’m sipping wine in the dark (Answer: because the kids can’t find me.).
 
There’ s just many things I want to write. Things about labels and rituals and why both are necessary. Or not. […]

Happy Memorial Day!
Hope it was a good one.
I, for one, percolated over PROMPTuesday.
This time, I wanted to do something unique, something block-busting, something random and ridiculous…and I feel confident that what I came up with will confuse and befuddle you. But that’s OK! Because confusion leads to creativity! You’ve read that somewhere, right?
 
This is […]

In a pink plastic car sits a child of two, singing for the extra assurance of her daddy’s hand as she steers down the boardwalk. Mom licks an ice cream cone, bending down to share when the girl looks up, with chocolate mouth and magicked eyes.
 
A merrily painted bungalow sits behind a handmade gate of […]

This meme comes direct from Matter of Fact Mommy, who made it up herself, and since I think it’s genius, I’m jumping on the bandwagon.
 
So straight from Matter of Fact’s mouth, here is the meme:
“I want to hear which specific post got you hooked on the blogs that you read regularly. You only have to […]

Also, the spooky atmospheric ’70s and ‘80 thrillers, “Burnt Offerings” and “Still of the Night.”
 
And then, there’s also “The Eye” (Japanese version) and “The Descent.”
 

Please note that these are not horror (although “The Descent” has some gore), they’re just spooky. Whole different vibe.
 

Not that you asked.
 

No really, you didn’t. So I’m just putting my scary […]

Thanks so much for helping raise my daughter right. Really, it’s comforting to know that not everyone believes in over-scheduling, and that random play and frolic are valuable and swimming is fundamental; T-ball optional.
 
And so while I praised the heavens for wise sages such as yourself and for your generous sharing of the wise sage […]

Do you remember how I went on and on about this, and then this?
 
How I so smugly threw about the words, “chickpea?” and “organic” and “no white sugar” and bladdedy blahblah?
 
Well, today, this happened:
 

 
OK, actually the three things on the right happened on Sunday. And also today. And it’s looking favorable for tomorrow.
 
I would like […]

I’m wondering if I’m a crack mom for not enrolling Toots in any classes this year.
Last summer, we tried ballet, and she’s been on and off in Gymstars…but have there been any classes you’ve put your kids in that you’ve loved and/or that taught them discipline and to stop talking about killing things?
 
Maybe karate or […]

I have but few dreams. Firstly, I’d like to finish my middle grade book, sell it, make enough money to live comfortably in San Diego, have a pool like Cheri’s, and support my family churning out Harry Potter-esque books in my fully automated custom-made sunlit writer’s/inventor’s (just because) loft.
 
I’d also like to open a drive-thru. […]

Me, at the dinner table: OK, everyone tell me about their day.
 
My four year-old-daughter, Toots: A real day or an imaginary day?
 
Me, playing along: An imaginary day.
 
Toots: OK, so there was this monster, and… (pausing)…Mommy? Can I say the word ‘killed’ just this once? (holding her finger up in the form of a “one”)
 
Me: No. […]

It’s noon here in San Diego and everybody in my family is asleep. I tried to close my eyes for awhile, but had so many things running through my head and then Merle Haggard did gone and woke me up for good.
 
I wish you could see me now: laptop perched on lap, bear blanket […]

I totally got into a fight at Legoland.
 
Wait, let me word that in a more mature fashion: I entered into an altercation at Legoland.
 
I’ve always been one to champion the underdog.
 
I’ll have to write about this later. Right after I pick the curly straws out of my butt.
 
Today: Sea World.
 
Tomorrow: Drug-induced coma.
 

I’ve been out in the real world for days now, with no Internet connection, Twitter, or e-mail access and it’s been weird. I’m actually not speaking in acronyms or hitting “Enter” after I make a comment.
 
And I wrote a long post all about how I went to the zoo and the beach and how today […]

Sinus Infection: Manufactured enough snot to feed an entire colony of bone-eating snot flowers. I realize that for this sentence to work, it should be: snot-eating bone flowers. But I’m not a scientist. (Or a marine biologist?) If I were, I’d opt for a totally different naming convention for weird things, like “Weird Thing with […]

Here’s my PROMPTuesday submission:
 
I shuffled through the milk crates stuffed with LPs. My knickers chafed uncomfortably, spurred by the hot sweatiness of the St. Mary’s gymnasium. Wet slicked down my back as I pulled out Supertramp’s album. The one with “Goodbye Stranger.”
 
I planned my outfit with him in mind. We had the same last name […]

No intro today.
 
Just this: Write about your first love. Work the phrase, “Beauty in the shadows,” into the piece. This one can go to 250 words.
 
Other “rules” (air quotes implied and used ironically):
 
You must write your entry in 10 minutes. This encourages top-of-mind, primal thinking before the ego and judgmental brain kicks in. Just set […]

Well, let’s see.
 
I don’t think I’m a planner. I try to be, really, really try to be, yet there’s some synapsal tangle in my brain that prevents me from actually following through on said plans, or rather, I follow through, but not in that perfectly logistical way you see other moms do.
 
I’ve seen women make […]

I met Coretta T. when we were both in the fifth grade. She told great jokes, had a typical Italian family and an enormous pantry filled with Little Debbie snack cakes. I’d moved to Chicago the year before, as little girl lost, it was nice to find a friend who adopted me instantly.
 
Together with a […]

No more morosity.
 
Today is sunshine, puppies, no funny substances stuck under my toilet rim, a full belly of eclectic and nourishing food, chai tea (without sugar), and an effective hard water de-mineralizer.
 
Yea, today there is no fuzz on my sweater coat, no ambivalence about my discipline methods, and plenty of butterflies, even the ones that […]

Disclaimer: Abandon hope, all ye who enter here, of carefully constructed sentences, relevant points, or peaceful easy feelings.
 
If I were a cartoon or bit character in “Bewitched,” there’d totally be a dark cloud hovering over my head. I really need to look into this Sag-Scorp cuspy deal, because now I’m thinking there’s something to it. […]

PROMPTuesday came around quick, didn’t it?
 
And here I was, just a few short hours ago, sitting at book club, innocently forgetting that shortly, a new writing prompt must be posted, so I, without a care in the world, poured myself another glass of wine…
 
But: I’m BACK, suckas!
And as such, a new writing prompt […]

If you only knew the trouble I’ve seen today. My sign (Scorpio-Sag cusp) must be in opposition to some planetular alignment, because nothing is going according to plan. Not a thing has gone smoothly, or on time or in accordance with my wishes.
 
Today I should work, but Booger slept in big time this morning and […]

Do you think there’s a world where one can actually say “Calgon, Take me Away!” and instantly you’re transported to a warm bubble bath, open waterproof book, glass of champagne (or fruit smoothie, your choice, lame-o), and a babysitter paid through three days?
 
Or do you think in that dimension, “Calgon” would be a carnivorous Mingkowborn […]

“MaaaaaaMaaaaaaaaa!” Booger wailed it from her crib this morning. I prayed, as I pulled the covers over my ears. Sometimes, she’s a one-hit morning shouter and I don’t hear from her again from a good hour.
 
Ah, but it was not to be and she continued, now playfully: “Mom! Moomoo! MaMoo! MoooooomoooomooooMA!”
Her vocabulary’s increased ten-fold in […]

 
On Monday, The Rock and I celebrate seven years of wedded sticking togetherness through thick and thin, midnight arguments, beautiful and complicated births, misunderstandings, understandings, trying hard, sailing through, near misses and never quitting.
 
I’ve told you before that we don’t have an easy relationship, but I thank my stars we’re together. It’s like God decided […]

I’d like to do something light and rainbows now. Especially after the heaviness of the below…
 
SO here you have it:
 

 
Thanks to Absolutely Bananas, I’m going to have some fun and list some of my favorite beauty products.
 
First, please know that I have brows. And by brows, I mean BROW WOW WOWs. Heavy, thick, Frida Kahlo […]

I’ve wanted to write, yet I haven’t.
 
I’m doing that second guessing thing I do, hesitating to put anything down because what it might reveal about me — things I’m not too sure should see the light of day — or what you would think — but then I know this is for me, and an […]

Thanks all for participating in PROMPTuesday. And those of you who e-mail me instead of posting (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), your stuff is very good. But I will keep your good secret if you want me to. And go ahead and continue to e-mail, I’ll understand.
 
I’m going to post more later. I arguscussed with […]

Allrighty oh! It’s PROMPTuesday again!
Time to rev your writing engines. Lube your brain. Check your filter at the door.
(What?
I don’t know.
I just blog here).
 
OK. For your background and historical reference, here is a primer on PROMPTuesdays.
And here is the first PROMPTuesday exercise from last week.
 
And now, without further ado, or musings […]

This is perhaps my most superficial post.
Right after this one, and this one, and this one.
Oh, there you are!
This one was hiding.
 
Anyway, I’m using you.
But only because you’re so fabulous.
 
In other words, please decorate my house.
 
I’m serious my Internellies: please, please decorate my house.
 
I’ll try to explain: I’ve long been distressed by […]

 
If you come across a tall, decomposing man with his back to you, do not say, “Hello, kind sir? Can you help us?” And when he doesn’t answer, don’t keep pushing, asking again, “Hello? Kind sir?”
Kind sir is a zombie.
 
Do NOT play “flip a coin” with Shaggy.
 
Mops on heads make convincing decoys. Same with […]

 
This is our bulimic fish, Shimmer.
 
Shimmer throws up/poos/sullies herself often and as a result, her fish bowl looks trampy and boggy almost every day. So I clean it a lot.
 

 
These are the two red plastic cups we keep by the kitchen sink. We have 1,009 in our pantry, but we only put two out at […]

I wish there were a better solution than to split up all these children and scatter them throughout Texas.
 
From the Salt Lake Tribune:
“The hundreds of children from a polygamist compound taken into state custody are on their way to group homes, shelters and residences, but experts and lawyers fear their transition may be much harder […]

THE IMPORTANT:
 
It’s MommyPie’s 40th birthday!
 
MommyPie was the first person to e-mail me after I launched San Diego Momma, and was so warm and funny that I’ve been following her blog ever since. Plus, she loves Ghost Hunters AND Paranormal State, which in my book, is an instant guarantee of best friendship forever.
 
THE NOT-SO-IMPORTANT:
 
It’s Cocktails […]

Thank you to those who participated in PROMPTuesday. I loved reading your poems and am wowed and cowed by your lyrical talent. (Here’s a little PROMPTuesday background.)
 
Thanks also to the people who read the poems, left comments, and laughed surreptitiously.
 
If you missed it, check out the nonsense poem submissions here: Greormeoeprkeadocious.
 
I’m putting another prompt on […]

Look, I know: shut up already about your intestine and what may or may not be inside. Just keep quiet about fatty livers and polypy gallbladders and for God’s sake, lady, you already told us you were a hypochondriac and you really expect us to believe you’re sick?
 
Well, fine. I’m just writing this for me […]

Here we go! It’s out first PROMPTuesday! And remember: ANYONE can participate. This is for fun. Even if you don’t care a hill of beans for creative writing prompts or, for that matter, creative writing in general, you are welcome in this place of non-judgment and happy color rainbows! Yeah! Miss Mary/Barry Sunshines all over […]

In my early 20s, I blind dated a man who, upon seeing a tiny puppy yanked mercilessly on its leash by a teen-ager, jumped up from our shared frozen yogurt to confront the kid.
 
We’d watched the dog yelp for a few seconds and I, not wanting to make a scene, said nothing, while my date […]

 
Let Your Imagination Bear Fruit.
 
So I want to be a writer. How about you? Or, maybe you just want to play with words, take pleasure in the creation of something thought-provoking, humorous, insightful?
 
Either way, I’ve decided to do something on San Diego Momma to inspire me, flex my writing muscles and make writing fun again.
 
To […]

 
This Sunday’s Playlist is dedicated to my mom, Angela, who would have been 67 today. (Please note that if you do follow that link above, I included it in the interest of full disclosure. I wasn’t all light and rainbows when it came to my mom. In fact, after she died, I was still angry […]

I don’t know where I’d be without books.
 
I moved a lot as a kid, and books quite literally were my best friends when I didn’t have any others. I cried myself to sleep many, many nights, comforted only by my friends Ginnie, Trixie, and Nancy.
 
If I hadn’t read that other people feel lonely […]

This happens EVERY TIME! I get memed right when I need blodder (blog fodder) most.
 
First, Matter of Fact Mommy, asked me to list seven random things about myself, which I’m happy to do, although it will surely reduce you to sheer and utter boredom.
 
And secondly, Mommy Pie, my favorite ghostbuster, tagged me with a book […]

It’s just that I’m frustrated. I haven’t wanted to post because I’m irritated, disconcerted, and befouled (does that mean I crapped my pants?). I’ve been bemoaning the state of the medical profession in Southern California, the U.S., the world, although I think healthcare is better in France? Also, maybe Germany? I don’t know. I still […]

THIS
 

 
THIS
 

 
OR THIS
 

 
WITH
 

 
The print tee above, I’d also wear with:
 

 
Which I could pair with:
 

 
(Look at me! I’m mixing and matching!)
 
And I’d also love to wear:
 

 
And for a neutral to jazz up with accessories, this:
 

 
Then, there’s this:
 

 
OR, this:
 

 
Which, I’d pair with one of these:
 

 
OR, these trouser shorts:
 

 
Which, I’d wear with flip flops, ballet flats, or:
 

 
And everything, I’d […]

…PLUS! One of our store stylists will kabuki makeup your face AND apply your very own beauty mark haphazardly! FOR FREE! Ooo La La! So Spring 2008!
 
(Vapidity not included.)
 

 
The hell, Benetton?
 

I’m taking a break from my dinner preparation:
 

 
My children are paying the price of my PMS. And my PMS wants ham.
 
 

 
Beans to work out the PMS bubbles.
 
 

 
Fries, because? Fries.
 
 
Where was I? Yes, a break from my dinner preparation to tell you that I received the results from my ultrasound. And I have a polyp in […]

Last night I dreamt that my husband died. And clearly, painfully, I regretted not saying goodbye.
 
We’d ended the dream night with tense words and when I woke the next morning, he’d passed away. My mom came to the house to help with the kids. Thank God, because I was useless and mute, and couldn’t hold […]

Here it is in a nutshell:
there are two winners of my totally awesome kick butt Miss Mix-a-lot CD contest.
 
I’ll try to explain. Mainly, it’s that I’m complex. I can’t make things easy. (Can you hear my husband’s voice faintly emerging from the Internet ether, yelling “hell no she can’t!” ?) Because first, I went […]

So has this ever happened to you?
 
You’re like, “Oh Shight! I’m going to be 40 soon!” and then you look at your arms and realize you need to start lifting weights because in just the last 6 months, something terribly awful happened to your collagen AND your muscle fibers and you need an intervention and […]

Oh man, I’m busy today, so….
 
…to fill space, I’m letting my husband’s alter ego, Stubing Rothschild (Notes on Stubing: dry “Brit” humor, raises truffle pigs, salt and pepper nose hair, smokes pipe ironically), post some of his greatest hits wine reviews* gathered from a recent blind tasting party.
 
And can I say? EVERYONE loved these […]

Hi, it’s me, San Diego Momma.
 
Look, I love you guys, by which I mean, girls. And maybe guy? One? Broham?
 
No matter.
 
First of all, you make me laugh. Also, you’re super sweet, like major. And supportive. Even people I haven’t e-met yet, you seem cool. I’ve extrapolated such.
 
So like I said, I love you.
 
And this really […]

“So it’s a stone or a rock…” Annie mused aloud.
 
“Same thing,” Carlos said it sharply.
 
Annie fought the urge to snap back. “Witch Woods and The House at 2769 Sullenberg Lane…that doesn’t tell us much. How’re we gonna know where she hid it?” Annie sighed.
 
Carlos spun a wheelie to his bookcase. “Let’s look at each book […]

Booger turns two today.
 
And speaking of unmedicated births and things in my stomach, I remember it like yesterday…
 

 
And they called her Duck Beak Belly.
 
I didn’t plan to have Booger on the 10th, although that was her official due date. But my doctor lured me into his office, knowing that from there, he could get me […]

If you like me even a little bit, please do not read any further.
 
I must express the following, because I’m an expresser, but it will disturb and irritate you.
 
BUT if you made it this far, please call the cops if I don’t blog tomorrow. My husband is ready to kill me.
 
Today, I visited the phlebotomist. […]

So now I have a band of numbness radiating across my lower back, gas (I don’t think it’s the beans) and upper/lower quadrant pressure (feels like something is under my ribs AND poking my pelvic bone). AND, it’s not my husband.
 
Anyone familiar with deadly diseases who cares to hazard a diagnosis?
 
And I don’t think it’s […]

What an excellent meme. (Or as Jamie says, “me me,” which is so perfect.) Thanks, MommyPie for tagging me me.
 
Well, I alluded to it below: I’m tired. I’m worried about my stomach lump. I ain’t got much to give today. BUT, this got me thinking and I can’t NOT write about it, so…
 
…here are the […]

I’m compelled to use clichés today, I think it’s because I’m tired. So very, very tired. Must be the large growth inside my belly, which I’ve known about for a year, but tests turned up nothing and now there’s no denying something is inside me and I’m just hoping it’s not cancerous. Or a baby. […]

Normally this post would go in the Momma Love section, but I’m busy making beans, so this must suffice as my post today. Meanwhile, please transmit fart death ray thoughts into the universe and pray that I don’t gas anyone to death with my super-farticious beans. I don’t know why, but my beans are always […]

Toots told me she would make dinner tonight and I wholeheartedly accepted, thinking she’d put a pile of Flintstone’s vitamins on a plate and call it a day.
 
But no, she had something else in mind, and as she gathered the items from the fridge, I sat and typed at my computer, marveling at how she’s […]

Do you ever feel as if you’ve lost your sense of humor? Or worse, you never had one and nobody told you?
 
Or that you can’t write? Or that you have no voice?
 
That’s happened to me today.
 
I love reading blogs, but the problem is, I compare myself to everyone I read and find I’m not as […]

The Rock got de-rocked today and after four Vicodin, he felt a little woozy.
 
He has this thing where he’s convinced he’s immune to anesthesia because when he was 5 the novacaine didn’t work and he felt his tooth being pulled. So today, the same thing happened: he felt sharp probing objects down there (THAT part […]

I recently looked at these photos taken of people before and after their death and it affected me profoundly. I remember my mother’s face at the moment of death and am struck by the similarities, the peace, the last smear of expression, a final thought imprinted in a sideways mouth, a furrowed brow. I’m struck […]

 
Hi, I’m Bob.
 
Look, I can’t get me any San Diego Momma lovin’, so I thought I’d come to the blog hole, where she spends every flocking minute and get her to notice me, just pay attention for one minute. I’m dying over here. So I’m going to air our dirty laundry in public. Maybe she’ll […]

Yesterday was big. First, I lunched with lovely Amanda from the Mom Crowd, who was visiting San Diego with her husband and zen baby, Ace. Truly a wonderful time was had by all (well, by me…I don’t have independent verification from all parties involved).
 
And I have to be honest, I don’t often meet other […]

Welcome!
 
It’s warm and sunny here in SundayLand, is it not? Also, did you just get back from church?
 
Being that it’s Sunday, I thought maybe you had.
 
Or perhaps you just had a Sunday brunch?
 
Or a Sunday walk with the family?
 
Better yet, did you just have a sundae?
HA HA! That would be funny.
 

 
My contribution to Absolutely Banana’s “Make Me Laugh Mondays” is earnest, funny, sweet, head-scratching, ridiculous. But in the best way possible.
 
We Are the World In Japan
 
Now I ask you: do I really need a Sunday’s Playlist with that kind of melodius goodness?
 

Last night, our friends celebrated their five-year wedding anniversary with a party.
 

 
It’d probably be cuter if I showed them together.
 

 
There were other kissy pictures too. But because I made them do this 500 times and only one of the photos turned out, this is what we get.
 
At the party, there was some of this:
 

 
And some […]

 
I’m driving home from work today when I notice a little bee clinging to my driver’s side window. Now, I don’t like bees much, as I don’t prefer spiders, or any other insect that is an insect so I have to force myself to stay calm, because even though he’s outside the car, we all […]

Thanks Deborah, Matter of Fact Mommy, Rose, Jenn, Mommyrella, Vered, Steph and Angela! For those who left their input after the event I attended last night, I’m glad you agreed with everyone else…and Mommyrella…next time, I’m going for the tights and the jewelry! Loved that! Angela: I like the boots, too. But the dress was […]

OK, should I go with the round-toe pumps?
 

 
 
Or the boots?

 
 
Coat yes or no?

 
I’m wearing the dress to a “cocktails in historic places” get together and most people wear vintage. Like, heavy duty vintage. We’re talking pillbox hats, flapper duds and pancake makeup. So last question: do you think anyone will care if I wear this […]

Right when I finished the post below, my friend called to say she’d just been diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
 
Please send happy light rays into the universe on her behalf.
 
Her attitude remains positive and she says a simple surgery and some radiation should kill the disease, but she has two small children and I’m sure somewhere […]

My throat hurts, my kids yell, my head aches, my nose swells, my eyes burn, my uterus thickens.
 
Also, I’m tired. In addition, I planned a Mom’s Night Out for my mommy group at a local wine bar and I’m not company-worthy or conversational. Thirdly, I didn’t understand Paranormal State on Monday night and Mommy Pie […]

Toots spilled water everywhere this morning and when I asked her to mop it up she said with disdain, “That’s grown-up business.”
 
Indeed it is. Grown-up business. Yesterday I signed an agreement that added 12 hours a week to my work schedule, which is already chock-full of 20 freelance hours and water mopping. Then, there’s the […]

“I think you need to get her on some medication,” he advised. “Something like phenobarbital.”
 
Phenobarbital? Isn’t that for extreme mental patients? Or the drug of choice from “Valley of the Dolls?”
 
But I just nodded. “OK, Dad.”
 
I hoped my acquiescence would signal him to stop. It’d been a long 24 hours as it was, with his […]

All these songs mean something to me.
 
None of them are random or afterthoughts. Each offers specific insight into the emotions that shook me this weekend, then left me to crawl on the sand of my husband’s shore.
That doesn’t make sense does it?
 
It does to me.
 

 
First, there’s the bacon.
 

 
The drinking before noon.
 

 
The themed centerpiece.
 

 
The themed bathroom.
 

 
The cook, the baker, the bacon grease maker.
 
Unphotographed: the crumbs, the lectures, the eggs.
 

I’m sorry.
I’m at my dad’s place in Ventura County and we’re talking about Obama vs. Clinton. My dad’s useful insight was, “a broad shouldn’t be in office.”
 
So, my brain exploded and I have nothing left with which to write a blog post.
 
So here’s something from a few years ago.
 
************************************
(originally posted February 2006)
 
I will attend […]

I was looking through Ye Olde Blog, and for kicks, thought I’d see what I wrote 5 years ago this month.
 
So here it is! Oh my gosh, I was so awesome. Much like now.
 
******************************************
(originally posted March 29, 2003)
 

Apparently I used to make lists a lot when I was an adolescent. I really really need to […]

Damn you Matter of Fact Mommy; you and your exciting life, you and your saucy confessions, you and your excitement.
 
And, well thank you too, because I really tanked out of ideas today and your tag saved me.
Plus, I didn’t really mean “damn you,” more like a “Darn you,” but you better cap the “D.”
 
So […]

Marriage isn’t easy; especially mine.
 
But for the first year The Rock and I were together, our relationship has been challenging. We both like to be right, for instance, which can ruin some marriages, and we don’t fight well. We tend to get wrapped around the axle and focus on stupid extraneous stuff, and not on […]

Don’t look directly into the eyes of “Booger the Terrible, Jr., the II, Esq.” For if you do, you will begin to spout snot.
 
It started with my baby. She of the perpetual snot geyser. Then, it migrated to my husband, me, and finally, my oldest (above, you can see Toots trying to manually stem the […]

I’m not competitive, I’m just not.
 
A fire burns in me to be the best I can and I do like to win Trivial Pursuit or Balderdash, but I’ve never felt the itch to have the biggest house, enter my kids in the best schools or drive the shiniest car (actually, no danger of THAT ever […]

Today, I came across notes for a middle grade book I planned to write many years ago. I’ve since adapted it into something else, although the current draft still contains overtones of this early summary.
 
Please don’t get all jealous when I post some of it here. You can write, too. But we can’t all have […]

Today.

Happy Where I Am/Chris Trapper
 

Be Open/Richard Smallwood & Vision
 
We’re lucky enough to live about a mile from here.
 
I’m in the process of picking I’ve picked a song for each picture, which will be is my weekly “Sunday’s Playlist.” I’ll have this up tonight. Enjoy.
 
Right now, I’m tired and smell like sea anemone.
 
Also, my camera died […]

Spiders suck. Spiders crawl on you, look funny, and lurk in corners. Plus, I’ve seen several of them jump. J-u-m-p. Onto people. And cattle, which they then eat whole.
I grew up in Illinois. I saw it.
 
I do not like spiders, but I try to be as nice to them as possible. When I see one, […]

All is quiet on the western front.
 

 
The laundry’s folded.
 

 
The Ring of Tam Tam rests comfortably atop a vial of pixie dust, surrounded by the protective Ma-Nu necklace.
 

 
There was a struggle, I’m not going to lie to you, gentle readers. Spoorie proved formidable.
 

 
But now, the Good People of the Land slumber in peace.
 

 
Slumber, in their Land […]

And so what soothes the soul after
the pounding, the wounding, the surrounding?
What opens it, spills it, lays it down
Who lets it in, says just stay here
or fly, it’s up to you
And at last the fluttering, the humming, the dance
It stops, for an eon, a second
A butterfly cocooned, not the other way around
 
What soothes your […]

Here’s the thing. I’ve always, always, always been insecure about my looks. And not just my looks, but everything, including my ability to do anything, and just about everything else.
 
BUT, we’re talking about appearances now. So let me drive home the point in short, but effective words and phrases: Insecure. Think I’m Not Worthy. Believe […]

Just for the record: I joked in yesterday’s post. I mean, I do not want my daughters to elevate beauty above all else, but I promise I don’t submerge them in an ice bath chanting, “you’re ugly, but smart!” either.
 
Anyway. I got to thinking. I mean, yes, I recreated yesterday’s conversation for comedic effect, but, […]

Oh crap. It’s begun.
 
My daughter asked me this morning if she were beautiful and I cringed. Then, I scrambled. Then, I imaginated a response that would make her value brains and wit over beauty.
 
Our exchange went something like this:
 
Me: Yes, you are beautiful. On the inside, which is most important.
Her: But, am I beautiful?
Me: […]

I’m sorry for the delay, it’s just that Spoorie had to be stopped.
 
So this playlist is special. This guy sang at my wedding and he is an awesome and insightful songwriter, and you hear him and think, “yes! yes! that’s how I feel, too,” and then you wish you could write like him and then […]

 
Oh thank you, Absolutely Bananas. I needed this today. Because right now I am editing a 59-page report on IT in Pakistan. And no matter how I try, there is no comedy to be found in that.
 
First of all, let me say that I’m a fan of faux documentaries (like Best in Show) and faux […]

Tons of fun here today in DementoVille. My kids imagine the most wonderful and mystical things, usually while perpetrating acts of random violence.
I think I know what happened to our cat.
 
Anyway! Come join me for a tour of the enchanting and phantasmagorical! Hop aboard the freak train! Everyone on? And away we go!
 

 
This is […]

 
I completely thought this said “Soccer mom turns violent; 80 hurt.”
 
And I felt kind of bad for her. She must’ve had a rough day.
 

 
Today Toots, Booger and I went to an “arts” day put on by a local non-profit and drummed, painted and sang for most of the early afternoon.
 
In one room, there was a singing party where a woman played the guitar and led the kids in all the oldies but goodies, which made me remember […]

Today, I’m dragging my feet before starting the marathon that is taking Toots and Booger to the park.
 
I didn’t get much sleep last night what with the spider crawling across my face, dropping onto my shoulder and making its way into the ear canal to eat my brain. The part that wore me out was […]

I parked my car in the usual haphazard fashion, bumping my horn as I scrambled out the driver’s side.
The man in front of me started, and shifted his reverie from the third floor window he’d been considering.
 
I mumbled “sorry” and began to hurry away, when something in his manner made me stop. I loitered a […]

Stairway to heaven. Except this is looking down, so…
 
I don’t think our house started out haunted. It’s a new house and we are the first to live in it, and the only hint of previous occupants on this land were the words, “The Ranch” etched in the concrete outside our garage.
 
But, things have been building. […]

 
Today Booger asked me for a “huggle,” which made me want less to stick her on an ice floe and shove her off to sea.
 

Thank you, God, for Dinner Studio. Thank you for giving humans the brains to think up wonderful franchises where busy moms do not have to cook. Thank you for the brown rice vegetable paella cooking in my oven right now. And thank you for my friend Shana, who did all the work while I drank […]

Today I saved my daughter’s preschool.
 
She’s so proud of me. And in the process, I role modeled toughness, resilience, and pull-your-bootstraps-uppitude. Plus: I did it all Charlie’s Angels style.
 
So what happened is some kid who I feel sorry for (she wears flip flops in the rain and her mom doesn’t strap her in a car […]

It’s just that I’m having a hard time.
 
I sincerely feel hormonally rocked right now, and it’s just so frustrating.
 
Ever since my second pregnancy, my hormones have been whacked. I had my doctor test them, because surely something was off, but the test came back within “normal limits.” Which was baffling.
 
And now I’m pissed, because I […]

You know what?
 
I deleted this post, which was up for all of 30 minutes.
 
I don’t feel like giving the PMS more power.
 
So there, PMS.
 
I don’t feel like getting into the argument over the weekend, the amount of ice cream and popcorn eaten. And steak. And the great, heaving sobs.
 
Maybe one day, when I am menopausal, […]

 
Just like her momma.
 

 
ALSO:
Ends/Everlast
I Feel Alright/Steve Earle
For a Dancer/Jackson Browne with Venice
 

 
I love my house, I really do. (I also love my town. I want to do a photo walk of its main drag one day, because it’s such an interesting street. Bums! Hippies! Surfers! And I would NOT have it any other way.)
 
But my main point for now: my house is great. It’s light, it’s […]

Disillusionment Of Ten O’Clock
 
The houses are haunted
By white night-gowns.
None are green,
Or purple with green rings,
Or green with yellow rings,
Or yellow with blue rings.
None of them are strange,
With socks of lace
And beaded ceintures.
People are not going
To dream of baboons and periwinkles.
Only, here and there, an old sailor,
Drunk and asleep in his boots,
Catches Tigers
In red weather.
–Wallace Stevens
 
Oh […]

 
For Toot’s recent birthday, I gave out mix CDs of some of her favorite songs. They’re her favorites because I told her they were, but she does seem to like them on her own, too. Which is a plus.
 
I’m not crafty. I’ve said it before, but need to say it again, because it’s my label […]

 
Today did not go down easy.
 
My exposed nerves pulsated and twitched and despite all, someone kept scraping them with a callous remover.
Those are the someones above.
 
Today was the opposite of a sensory deprivation tank. Rather, it was an IMAX theater of scrambling kids falling off beds, crawling onto my lap, jumping on tables, […]

Toots: What’s for lunch?
 
Me: (thinking fast on my feet) Uh, something good.
 
Toots: And healthy?
 
(Oh, my sweet little pupil!)
 
Me: Yes. Good AND healthy.
 
Toots: How about pepperoni salad?
 

 
My haiku won in the humor category over at My Mommys Place. It’s a great site. Their haiku contest is fun. Maybe they’ll have another one someday.
But better you don’t enter.
I’ll just win again and then you’ll feel real bad.
Don’t do that to yourself. You’ve got enough to worry about.
 
Here’s the winning humor haiku:
 
Online […]

I’m sorry. I’m using this photo again. It’s from about 4 years ago, so maybe you will mistake my youthful radiance for health.
 
In July of last year, I decided to eat better. And because I can’t do anything in moderation, my eating better looked like this: no white sugar, no white flour, no processed food, […]

There’s a new Momma Love “review” up.
 
Cuz I know you (friend in Tulsa) were waiting.
 

So in college, my friends and I said “flocking,” instead of the other word.
 
Everything became, “she’s so flocking annoying,” and “what the flock?!?,” and “flock you!”
 
Then Halloween came and we (there were at least 7 of us) dressed up as a flock of cows. We wore black garbage bags and taped white spots to them […]

 
Did you see this on SNL Saturday night?
 
Please note that the video has adult content! And as such is very adulty in nature. No dirty stuff, just grown-up, possibly offensive, but hilarious, humor. Again! You may be offended by this! But only if you’ve never had a period.
 
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m must go […]

This one is completely dominated by the artist we heard play last night.
 
And how about this? Please list in an e-mail or in comments or in your blog (just leave me the link) three songs you can’t live without (for now). It can be songs you’ve just discovered, or songs you’ve loved long time.
 
I […]

I have this annoying habit, one I didn’t know what to call before, although I knew it needed a name, a slogan, a tagline. Something catchy and inspiring.
 
Finally, a few months ago a friend called it “Going Geico™,” and nothing could more perfectly sum it up.
 
So what I do is I “dub” over what someone […]

Today we’re off to a Peter Pan-themed birthday party, where Toots and Booger will wear Sleeping Beauty costumes.
Those Disney characters, they’re all friends, right?
 
After that, it’s a quick ride home, a nap send-off and a quick getaway to a house concert our friends are hosting. Chris Trapper will be there, playing the Baby Grand. I’m […]

My husband’s yelling woke me up.
Then I heard the home security alarm.
 
I hurled myself out of bed and looked at our alarm system flashing red, and wanted to cover my ears to shield against the piercing beep.
 
But there was the yelling. And the scrambling. And oh my God, is someone in the house? The kids! […]

As you can tell from my recent posts, I’m currently in PMS Week #3.
 
Also, in Week #1.
 
Don’t ask for clarification. I’ll get all Week #2 on your ass.
 

As I fastened my daughter in her car seat this morning, I glimpsed a woman in the car next to mine, hunched over the steering wheel, sobbing.
 
My heart connected with hers in that moment and I so wanted to knock on the window and ask if she was all right.
 
But I didn’t.
 
I felt foolish. Also, […]

I took her Cadillac the day we spread her ashes.
It was a long drive from San Diego to Bodega Bay, but it gave me time to think, which I did, sometimes reluctantly.
And as freeways gave way to greened two-lane roads, I lulled myself into thinking everything would be OK.
Of course, it never could be, not […]

My pancake this morning. I know it’s blurry and amorphous. Why don’t you just shut up?
 
This morning I made my oat pancake with 75% expired ingredients.
This can only mean one thing: I’m PMSing.
 
Since I suffer from anxiety, it makes sense that I also get PMS. I believe they’re branches of the same tree. And I’m […]

My daughter turned four this weekend and for kicks, I looked back at my other blog, the one I shall not name, for posts I wrote while I was pregnant with her.
 
And I found one. But instead of being about her, it was about me — sick and in the throes of early pregnancy.
 
So […]

Straight from my dream brain to you.
 
I really wanted to blog last night. But I drew a blank, so I began to talk about mucous again, which happens when I’m nervous.
 
I fortunately threw that post to the curb and took to a fitful sleep.
 
The Universe must have taken pity on me, because I had the […]

 
Despite the above, I don’t think you should vote for me.
 
Vote for the haikus you like best.
 
Because I’m OK with not being the best.
 
Although it’s a lot of fun when I am.
 
You know, I had a rough childhood. Always feeling like second best. Never really being accepted for me.
 
What? Yeah, it hurt. But, […]

Oh, I talk a good game. In conversations with friends, teachers, and family, I focus on the wholesome, positive things I do as a mom, but the truth is, I can do better.
 
This isn’t a putdown. It’s the truth.
 
I know I’m not doing my best. As my daughter told me the other day, “Whenever […]

Love Love Love/Tristan Prettyman
Spanish Stroll/Mink De Ville
Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)/MIKA
Oh! (What a Glorious Thing)/Akira the Don
When I Write the Book/Rockpile
I Believe In Love/Indigo Girls
Run/Indigo Girls
Last Request/Paolo Nutini
California Grace/Long Beach Shortbus
I Saw/Matt Nathanson
 
And that’s the way I like it.
 

My daughter turned 4 today and overnight things changed.
 
It’s funny how you say something to your kid, something unthinking, something you don’t even remember saying, and they take it and run with it, refer to it often and make it their mantra.
 
As a passing comment yesterday, I said, “Now that you’re 4, you can get […]

Part 1 of my gripping “I Suffer From Anxiety” series.
And Part II.
 
So in my endeavor to better understand my anxiety and hopefully find ways to cope with it, I recently visited a kinesthesiologist. I’d heard great things about this guy from a vegan/Zen/meditative/very non-anxious friend of The Rocks’ who’d been going to this particular doctor […]

Not really, but that wouldn’t that be cool: every Friday designated “Haiku Day?”
And the banks would be closed and the post office and schools and daycare and what am I, crazy?
 
In related news, I’m entering a haiku contest held over at My Mommy’s Place and am posting my submissions here. There’s all kinds of cool […]

I hate being a pussy mom.
 
I want to be the rocker mom who grooves to the beat of her own drum, not caring what people think, no, just experiencing that joie de vivre and living, man, just living! You know?
 
No? Oh man, why you gotta be like that?
 
Yesterday, my daughter and I made valentines for […]

These days, I make exactly three things for dinner:
pasta, salad, nothing.
 
There’ll be weeks where I motivate to try something new, but about a month ago, my mind suddenly sprang a dinner recipe leak.
 
It’s as if I never knew how to make anything. Kind of like Freaky Friday where I changed bodies with my husband. Except […]

Steady hands, honest gazer
I crave to etch words in your marble
 
Love to make my mark
where it shall remain
and if it
peaks
dips
circles
 
You’ll touch the infinite cast edges
 
And when I turn away
And when I shut it out
And when I wretch –
to what?
 
I don’t know
 
The conviction
despite feeble veneer
is carved nonetheless
 
And when what I say is love
crazily makes […]