Poor Math Skills Equals PMS

“OK. Count by twos…what’s missing? BLANK 54, 56, 58, BLANK.

What’s missing? What NUMBER? What number is MISSING? BLANK, 54, 56, 58, MOTHER EFFING BLANK.

It’s not that hard. Fifty-tttttttttttwwwwwwwwoooo. 54, 56, 58, sixxxxxxxxxttttyyyy—-

Oh forget IT! You’re all hopeless. Get ready to go to the dumb farm.”




“For God’s sakes! What’s six plus nine? SIX PLUS NINE? SIX THE FRICK PLUS THE DAMN NINE?

It’s 16! 16! SIXTEEN!

Guess where you’ll be at 16 if you can’t learn simple equations?

Pregnant. That’s where. One plus one plus nine equals one. Get it NOW?

What is wrong with you people?”




“OK. Look at the lame ass cardboard clock. What time is it?

Time. What TIME?

That’s not a seven. Why the hell do you think that’s a seven? It’s an eight, you dimwitted dingleberry.

You don’t learn how to tell time, you might as well just sign your stupid passport right now for Stupid Land.

Honk! Honk! Get on the short bus!

You can’t even tell time.”




And that’s why I shouldn’t volunteer to help my daughter’s second grade class learn math.


7 Responses to “Poor Math Skills Equals PMS”

  1. tinsenpup says:

    As an unlikely homeschooler, you have no idea how much self control I have to exercise some days to stifle that awful voice. “Hmmm… Not quite. Let’s try it this way. (Dingus…ahem)”

  2. I stopped being able to help my kid with math homework just around fifth grade….

  3. I may have gotten pregnant just from reading this post.

    That’s how poor my math skills are.

    I’m much better at PMS.

  4. green girl in wisconsin says:

    Oh yeah, math homework has it’s own special place in Dante’s Inferno.

  5. Because I think you rock and want your daughter to succeed you might wanna let her know that 9 plus the freaking 6 is fifteen… But yes, I think it makes it easier for my daughter to get her homework when I get louder and bang on things, it means i’m making her pay attention. Empty threats seem to help too, but that might just be a teenage helpful hint, not sure… Very funny post though!

  6. Kate says:

    Wow… You sound a lot like me! I can totally identify with you!

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