Man I feel like a crappy mom. I’ve taken to yelling lately (and not so lately) and it’s become my parenting technique. I’m so challenged by Toots especially and just don’t know what to do with her. So I yell. I have no parenting tools I guess. She talks circles around me and argues with [...]

It all started as I walked innocently through the outdoor mall toward Victoria’s Secret on a strapless bra quest. I navigated my way around the hundreds of mall kiosks, resisting the siren calls to improve my hair’s texture and heal my life. I sauntered confidently. I even snickered a little to myself. I could DO [...]

I originally posted this two years ago. And now our Verizon contract is up. Which means it’s time for new phones. Which means I am going to spend 18 days in a wireless store with my husband. Please send a straitjacket.   (I dial my husband’s cell phone, after a few rings, The Rock picks [...]

When I was an eighth grader, I decided I wanted to be just like Julie Hinnegan. Athletic and popular, Julie had this amazing long, straight hair, even white teeth and a lispy girly laugh. Since I couldn’t be athletic OR popular and because my hair resembled chicken fluff, I only had the teeth and the [...]

I’m the person who believes almost anything. If you tell me a ridiculous story you completely pulled out of your ass? I will ask with eyes wide open, “Really?”   Like: Any Person: “Hey Deb! I have monkeys in my butt!” Me: “Really?” Another Person: “Deb! Want to borrow my invisibility cloak?” Me: “Ooooo. Really?” [...]

Today, write about something you miss. Is it a person? A time in your life? A house? Your butt 20 years ago?   Whatever it is, please pen an ode to what you miss. Then…   …post your submission in the comments OR post in your blog and leave a link to your blog in [...]

    There’s the running outside and breathless requests for dinner. The wandering on white carpets with dusty feet and jelly hands. The “stop touching mes!” and the Miranda Cosgrove CD blaring from the play room. I want nothing more than to unwind with the Real Housewives and a glass of Cab, but it’s time [...]

My husband is a tile and stone contractor whose work is so famously awesome he’s had amazing jobs for 20 years strictly by word of mouth. I mean, he’s good. We’re talkin’ San Diego Home of the Year stuff. Classy, reputable shizz. However, with the recent economic slump, he’s found it necessary to do a [...]

(This is my PROMPTuesday submission)   Oh summer. What wondrous times of blue skies, bike rides, and 400 loads of chlorinated laundry. Such good, good memories. The house resounding with the chorus of “mommy can I?” and sibling rivalries. Visions of goldfish crackers and the Yo Gabba Gabba dild0 circling in your mind (which you [...]

Your Décolleté and How to Care for It: http://bit.ly/ckTNFX. Don’t know about you, but mine is starting to look like naked chicken skin.  

This book is illustrated by my niece-in-law. It’s about children who have asthma. http://bit.ly/bbsnIt She’s a talent.  

This month’s book is: Your Presence is Requested at Suvanto. It was written by a good friend’s sister, and I’m beside myself to read it.  

I’ve had this list thing going on in my head for about a week or two. Lately I’m just walking around, minding my own business, and suddenly a list pops into my brain. Which means that now I’m thinking about everything in this weirdly organized listular fashion. It’s most unlike me, I assure you. Usually, [...]

Hi! I’m still feelin’ bitchy!   Please to enjoy my PMS-fueled rage so my husband doesn’t have to!   And the top 8 Twitter lies we tell are:   1) I own a very large company. Based in beautiful Alsip, Illinois, my very large company has global offices in the Land of Honalee, Bedrock, and [...]

The other day I made contact with an old friend through Facebook. It’d been years upon years upon Paleozoic eras since we last talked and so we used Facebook’s message feature to catch up quickly. Pretty soon though, it became apparent that I was being sold a perfect bill of goods. Terms like “loving wife,” [...]

Been a long time comin’ I hear it on the tracks Slow train windin’ Breathing down my back Put my thumb out hopin’ for a ride Not looking back now At those endless railroad ties Still ignoring the signs   Spend all day running You know I will and can The train might be coming [...]

It doesn’t feel right. It’s not in the air. I’m not ready. I can’t do it. Not yet. Not yet. But when? My mind scrambles, nothing aligns, all’s a-jumble. It won’t happen tonight.   I put my head down. It has to happen. I’m not ready. Not yet. I think in shame: maybe not ever. [...]

It’s that time again! The weeks leading up to a flight I am taking. On an airplane. An airplane that leaves the ground. An airplane that leaves the ground while I am inside it sweating profusely, moistly clutching the hand/arm/face closest to me until I am safely to my destination.   Never mind that the [...]

TC to Glynn: do you love me, do you hate me, what’s going on?   To CL crib buyer: Heavy sigh, we just can’t get it together! It’s you, it’s me, it’s both of us. (Realizing foot in mouth) More me. I’m sorry. It’s not you. What’s up?   Asked man why he was crippled. [...]

I like to think I know people. Like can tell right off the bat what they’re all about and what makes them tick. For instance, is my next-door neighbor a murderer? Nah. He barbecues on the weekends. Serial griller, maybe, not serial killer. Does that guy up the street cheat on his wife? Totally. Have [...]