Archive for April, 2008

My Healer

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

My Rebecca


A Cheater Twitter

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

Thanks all for participating in PROMPTuesday. And those of you who e-mail me instead of posting (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), your stuff is very good. But I will keep your good secret if you want me to. And go ahead and continue to e-mail, I’ll understand.


I’m going to post more later. I arguscussed with my husband last night, an arguscussion which morphed into an arguMENT and I’m tired. Also, he left this morning without saying goodbye, so I need to call and not let things go.


Let me just end by saying: yesterday frustrated me.


Beautiful Post for a Beautiful Cause

Monday, April 28th, 2008

Read about Justin and why we want Nate Berkus to care.

PROMPTuesday Exercise #2

Monday, April 28th, 2008

Allrighty oh! It’s PROMPTuesday again!

Time to rev your writing engines. Lube your brain. Check your filter at the door.


I don’t know.

I just blog here).


OK. For your background and historical reference, here is a primer on PROMPTuesdays.

And here is the first PROMPTuesday exercise from last week.


And now, without further ado, or musings on vehicular upkeep, here is the next PROMPTuesday prompt:


In the spirit of TED, an annual conference that challenges the world’s most influential thinkers to give the talk of their lives in just 18 minutes, write an inspirational “speech” in 150 words. Speak to any audience you want: an unborn child, college grads, the elderly, the dying, your younger self, whoever. You can make this silly, serious, sad, angry, scary. Anything goes.


And again a few reminders: DON’T second guess your work. No head games on yourself. Just write whatever springs to mind and go for it.


So when you can today, set a timer for 10 minutes and write whatever pops into your brain. Keep in mind the 150-word limit. Then post your work in your blog, or in the comments below.


When you’re done with all that, pay a visit to Mr. Linky below and write your name and the link where we can find your post.


That’s all! Let’s do it!


Here’s my submission:

(To my children)

Be who you are. Don’t waste time wanting to be anything else. Too many hours, days, years, lives are spent comparing, coveting, wishing away. Grow into yourself, let yourself be. Spend your life becoming you. Take delight in the mistakes, because they whittle you into a better person. Be a grand failure if you must, because it means you tried. I don’t know how to describe success anyway.
And while you’re thinking about how to be a success, you’re holding yourself up to some benchmark that someone else created.


I don’t want you to think too much. I want you to think, yes, but sometimes going over a thing again and again makes you immobile and fearful. Try to overcome hesitancy and dive right in. If your intentions are true and your heart is good, you’ll pop to the surface a better person. Wish each other well as I wish you. And you’ll have found your way.


OK, so that read like one of those long inspirational posters. But you get the idea? Anything goes and don’t edit. It’s the mantra of PROMPTuesdays.

PROMPTuesdays is zen like that.


I can’t wait to see what you write.



Magic Trick

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

Does this work for you?

Magic Trick.

i have a theory about it.

Bear Necessities

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

New Man vs. Wild this Friday! New Man vs. Wild this Friday!

I’m keeping vigil for 5 days from now. If a man pronounces “vitamin” like “vit-a-min,” “glacier” like “gla-seer,” and pees on himself to keep warm, I’m so into it.

p.s. My husband knows all about it.

In Which I’m Pier One’d Out

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

This is perhaps my most superficial post.

Right after this one, and this one, and this one.

Oh, there you are!

This one was hiding.


Anyway, I’m using you.

But only because you’re so fabulous.


In other words, please decorate my house.


I’m serious my Internellies: please, please decorate my house.


I’ll try to explain: I’ve long been distressed by the half-done state of my home. It’s like I had two kids and I was just too tired to go any further. Home decoration for me is long browses in every shop I’ve ever heard about or seen advertised on TV, it’s trips to design districts and poring over magazines. It’s buying something, hating it, hiding it from my husband, then buying something else.


I just haven’t had it in me. Also, no time. i work for myself and if I have a free hour, I need to be working or my husband will yell at me bills don’t get paid. Then, the kids. Have I mentioned them? They’re perfectly delightful, but not good shoppers.

It’s a problem and we’re working on it.


So every day, I look around and I think: I need more storage! I need something over in that corner! I need to put more wine in my wine cabinet! And then I just don’t. And sink deeper into despair. Until I think of the starving children and try to put it all into perspective.


BUT, I thought: you’re all wonderful. You have ideas that haven’t been sucked out of your brain by a Toots or a Booger, you’re assuredly designy (especially Myra!), styley, and super cool. Maybe you have some input for me? And just so you know, anything goes for me design-wise.


As you will soon see.


BIG Room


Here’s the big picture view of our family room. The thing is we have an open floor plan…and there are windows and angles and wall expanses and I just don’t know what the hell to do with it all. When I walk upstairs, my eyes go crazy — what do I look at first! there’s a big red couch, a fuzzy rug, abstract wall art! — TOO MUCH. AHHH!


Do you sort of see what I’m talking about?


BIG Room, Part Deux


What should I do? Mainly, what goes on top of this armoire? Those things up top are simply place markers. What do I put under that window? And WHERE DO I PUT ALL THE KID STUFF??????




Kitchen Table, Sorta


Please see notes. Also, are there things I should put in the corners? Things that hold things? Also, can anyone recommend a good butt imprint remover? It needs to work on leather.


Wall of I Don't Know


I just don’t know what to say about this wall. I often refer to it existentially as “The Wall of I Don’t Know.” What do I put on those shelves? Shimmer the Bulimic Fish is not long for this world and will be departing soon. Then, what’s with the mask? And the phallic symbol? It should now be obvious that Nate Berkus needs to hop on a plane and get over here STAT.


Whine Bar


What do I put IN the wine cabinet? (Don’t get cheeky with me.) Like, what other stuff?

And don’t get me started on that thing to the left.


Lame Feathers


**Sigh** It was supposed to be decorative peacock feathers in a floor vase. Then some other crap got mixed in and now it’s like a bouquet of Snuffaluffagus eyes. What should I have here instead? A big fake tree? A statue? A better aquarium for Shimmer?


OK, I’m almost done.


Just a few more questions.


Empty Shelf


Should I put something on top of the kitchen cabinets? FYI: I’m not into chicken or cow cookie jars.




Any cute end table substitution ideas for here?


Bed of Love


And finally: How can I transform this room into an urban oasis? Must also morph easily into a sex palace.


Life Lessons from Scooby Doo

Friday, April 25th, 2008


If you come across a tall, decomposing man with his back to you, do not say, “Hello, kind sir? Can you help us?” And when he doesn’t answer, don’t keep pushing, asking again, “Hello? Kind sir?”

Kind sir is a zombie.


Do NOT play “flip a coin” with Shaggy.


Mops on heads make convincing decoys. Same with carrots for ears.


That shack by the side of the swamp? Totally fake haunted by a real estate developer named “Jeb.”


There’s a sheriff in every ghost town.


Do not go to your hairdresser’s and ask for the “Velma.”


There’s probably a coal chute hidden somewhere in your house.


Space ghosts are real-ish. AND they have southern accents.


Cousin Meldahyde did it.


A fan, soap bubbles, spring-loaded ironing board and open dryer will get the bad guy every time.


Fill up your gas tank.